BXBX NOVEL Chapter 65 - Old Ideals
Lara received a message on her phone in the late afternoon. Nate asked to meet with her, but he didn\'t want to talk in front of the kids.
She sighed, realising it must have been about the incident of the day.
She replied with a text, telling him she would come out of the building when he arrived. She didn\'t want to talk in front of the kids either.
When he called her back, she observed the phone in a panic. After quite a few seconds, she replied.
«Yes?»
«I\'m here.»
«Uh... I\'m... I\'m on the way.»
She hung up and checked the kids. They were playing with the pieces of a puzzle. A new one, so she assumed Nate bought it for them.
«Mommy will be right back,» she said. «You two behave.»
«Yes, mommy,» Jaden mumbled while Scarlet waved her hand.
Lara closed the door behind her without locking it. She didn\'t feel safe locking her kids inside, for some reason.
It was a tough decision because they were too little to defend themselves. It would have been better if she didn\'t need to leave them alone at all. And, thanks to Nate, she didn\'t need to anymore, except for the brief moments when she needed to get out.
A small smile hit her face as she realised her cubs had their backs covered.
«Hello,» Nate said, appearing from the side of the main gate.
Lara winced, not expecting him so close.
«Hey,» she replied.
She remembered what had happened that day, and her expression froze. Nate was there to talk about that incident.
«There\'s a park nearby,» she said. «We can sit on a bench and talk.»
«I was thinking of the cafe, but it\'s fine either way.»
«The weather is nice, and I prefer being out in the open.»
In a closed place, she would have needed to keep her emotions private. She wasn\'t all that good at that: not in front of Nate.
«I heard what happened today,» he started.
Lara sighed. It was obvious what reason he had to talk with her. She knew that moment would come.
«I\'m sorry for causing a scene. I hope you didn\'t have too many problems because of that.»
«What?» He startled. Why was she apologising?
«I said: I\'m sorry. I couldn\'t find a way out, though. And it was going to happen sooner or later. A company like LY Corp is too big; it was a given someone would say something.»
«Lara, that\'s not the point,» Nate said.
Why was she being like that? He wanted to check on her, see how she was feeling. He would have consoled her if she was sad. He would have wiped her tears if she cried.
But all she did was bounce all his worries back. It was as if he was the one being attacked, not her.
«You shouldn\'t be sorry,» he added. «You didn\'t do anything wrong.»
«Then why are you here?»
«To check on you. I was worried.»
«Worried?»
«Yes. I heard the girls were mean, and I wanted to hear from you... And to apologise. They\'re members of my pack, so it\'s also my fault if you were hurt.»
«Hurt?»
«Yes.»
«I\'m not hurt. Oh, I shouldn\'t be. After all, nothing they said was false. All that girl said is true, Nate.»
«What?» he murmured, confused.
«In some sense, I did hook up with a manager before getting a job. I mean, we also have two children! And I didn\'t even know the man I spent the night with.»
He read her emotions in her eyes, and he started to understand that something was off. She regretted that night: it was obvious. But the way she thought about it... Why was she blaming herself?
«Lara, that\'s not...»
«What?»
He frowned, wondering how she spent six years with those thoughts.
«When I woke up, you were gone,» he said. «If you didn\'t leave without traces, things would have been different.»
«That\'s not important.»
«It shouldn\'t be. No one has the right to judge you, Lara. And if someone can prove that a single parent can bring up two kids, it\'s you! They should stand in awe in front of you, not say mean words. As if they were any better! You did nothing wrong from the start.»
«I once thought I would be a perfect wife and mother. But then, I realised that my ideals were just a shadow of what other people wanted from me. I never stood a chance to keep my path clear, and I ruined everything at the first chance.»
«What exactly do you mean?»
«You might have been used to it, but it was the first time I had a one-night stand.»
«I wasn\'t used to it,» he defended his honour. He never felt as much as attracted to any other woman. Yet, she thought the worst of him.
How could he prove his fidelity before and after meeting her during that fated Black Moon?
«I did it only once, yet I messed up and gave birth to twins. I brought shame to my family, and I lost the few friends I had. All for a moment of pleasure. That was so irresponsible of me, right? But then, I decided to try again. To be a better mother for my kids.»
«And?»
He feared what she was going to say. She did look so strong from afar, raising two pups and never complaining, but her soul was so fragile that Nate felt pain for her.
«We can\'t erase our past. It will haunt me forever.»
«No. It won\'t. You didn\'t do anything wrong! And for every mistake you\'re blaming yourself for, I\'m guilty as much as you.»
Maybe, even more. He was under the effects of their bond, and he had underestimated fate\'s cruelty. He remembered their kisses and caresses.
«I got drunk and lost any trace of control. If only I didn\'t drink, things would have gone differently. I was so drunk that I forgot any shame. I thought I wasn\'t such a dirty, pitiful person.»
She observed her fingers, scratching away a little skin from one nail.
«I don\'t even know why I\'m telling you all of this,» she sighed.