赤裸裸的欲望

Chapter 15: One\'s Own Self

"You don\'t owe anyone anything Azrail, it was those soldiers job\'s to save you from that place because you were being held there. Don\'t let the reason for you joining the military be for something like that." My mother said which was like a truth bomb to me, removing one of the reasons I had for joining.

Those words did hold a lot of meaning to me, but I still had other reasons for joining.

I just don\'t feel normal being here, when I was recovering in the hospital it felt like I just didn\'t belong there. I don\'t feel like I\'m myself currently, like I\'m just some type of shell of my former self.

"I see... well what now?" I threw a random question out, when it came to communication that was personal, I was awful.

"We will just try to live normally; I will help you with things that you need and be there for you. What I did before to you in the past is unacceptable and I won\'t ask you to forgive me, but I will try to be the best mother I can for you." She said with a warm motherly smile on her face. Something I have never seen her do yet again.

"Alright..... Well I\'m going to go to my room and decompress." I said this and started to get up and head for my room which I still remembered how to get to till this day.

"Alright get some proper rest, I\'ll be waking you up tomorrow morning for the meeting." My mother told me which I gave a simple head nod to and continued on my way to the room.

Opening the door to my room a wave of nostalgia hit me as my eyes gazed upon the place I spent most of my time as a kid.

A large book shelve was to my right that was filled to the brim. A black desk was also placed right next to it which was now empty along with a small wooden chair that looked lonely. A bed could be seen right in the middle of the room, a large queen sized one at that which had while silk sheets.

To my left was what looked like to be a very small gym, weight equipment with mats underneath so that the noise wouldn\'t be loud for whoever was below the room.

The rooms size itself was like its own small apartment, giving me the space for almost all my needs. All I would do back then was study and workout, working on my Ki and mana was also a part of this process making sure I left no weakness to my overall abilities.

If I hadn\'t done that, I probably would have died when I was turned into a damn monster.

I went to my chair by the desk and decided to take a seat and go through my thoughts one by one. When you go from a chaotic environment where your life is in jeopardy all day to a calm one where nothing happens is a hard process.

I\'m so use to either killing somebody or spying on them that I really forgot how to live a simple daily life. It just didn\'t feel right to me, although I\'ve only been back for a couple days, I still think I\'d feel more comfortable in a warzone.

Generally speaking, everyone\'s comfort zone is different with mine being outside of the norm. Although I wanted to get out of that place it doesn\'t mean I\'m more comfortable with this type of life.

Not only that, but this boring life gives me time to actually think about my problems instead of just focusing on surviving.

The worst and last thing I wanted to deal with is honestly my own self. Dealing with others is way easier than looking at yourself in the mirror. Is easy to go tell someone what to do with themselves, but once you do it to yourself it\'s a whole different world.

\'For now, let\'s just think about what those military officers are going to talk about. The most important topic for them is probably intel about the organizations and country itself they are fighting which isn\'t a big deal. The main issue is why would they talk to me about my own future plans?\' I questioned myself as I heard my mother say that\'s what they wanted to talk about unless it was some excuse for the intel.

Volestia has been at war with them for about 2 years now. Maru decided it was somehow a good idea to launch an attack on Volestian ship that was filled with civilians.

One thing you never do is touch any property that belongs to a Human Superpower, especially if you\'re a small country. Since they killed everyone on that ship news broke out to every Volestian citizen.

Since Volestia is a democratic country, the people actually hold a decent amount of power. All of them decided that this was an attack and decided for war to be waged. Killing innocent civilians is a crime that\'s looked down upon in human society, them doing this was basically challenging the authority that Volestia held.

Although Maru was considered to be one of the stronger countries that wasn\'t a superpower, they still had no chance of defending the invasion that was going to take place.

I still remember quite vividly on how the criminal organizations reacted to the news and how scared they were. The only reason they operated in Maru was because of how lacking the police force was against crime.

A question we all had was how Volestia would invade and from what entry point would they come into.

The answer to that question was a scary one. They invaded around the entire country, hitting multiple points of importance at all once like it was nothing. This showed how superior they were and it gave a warning to anyone who would try to do the same thing.

Since there hasn\'t been an actual war that the humans had in over 30 years, some must have thought that times have changed, but they were all wrong.