BXBX NOVEL Chapter 75 - New Day, New Me
Anxiety.
Everybody, from the richest to the poorest, the ugliest to the most revered… at one point or another, we all fell victim to the rising swell bubbling deep within ourselves.
It was not a nice feeling, I\'m sure no one will contend with that assertion.
Nice or not, just as the ball of life kept turning ever onwards slowly unraveling the strings of destiny, so too does anxiety, bulldozing its way encrusted with a bulky layer of barbed wires into your thoughts, leaving a trail of spiky worrisome prospects in its wake for your imagination to unknowingly trod upon.
The worst part about it was that it won\'t go away till it decides to go away. You can dread it, run from it, in the end, just like destiny, anxiety still arrives.
Wish I could just snap it away sometimes.
My typical mornings usually start with a shriek and a vampire by the bedside. It\'s gotten to the point where I started to expect it by then.
Not this time.
The morning started with me rousing awake, dreams unassailed, and a room absent of a misty-eyed maiden in black. It took only a brief moment of half-asleep pondering to recall just what day it was today, then it all made sense.
Instead of fangs and claws for a wake-up call, I was greeted by that bubbly unbearable feeling in the gut, blaring loudly and uncontrollably the reason for my sudden apprehension.
I got a date to get ready for, and it was only just then that I was realizing just how much I wasn\'t ready for it.
Screw it, I don\'t care. I was done playing spineless indecisive chicken shit for so long now. Cold feet has screwed me over more times than I could count already.
Seriously, If my problems were a speeding truck, then my mental fortitude was the old lady crossing the road, and so far… she has yet to ever cross the street in one piece.
That all changes now, though. That old lady has hit the gym, ran the treads, leg day was every day, and no longer would any stupid truck prove insurmountable, no road to great…
I\'m crossing that street.
Didn\'t care how long it stretches for, didn\'t give a shit how jagged its barbs were - I\'m done overthinking, I\'m done second-guessing - anxiety can lash at me all day long, I won\'t let it impede me anymore.
Whatever will be, will be… and what it won\'t be was a failure. I\'ll make sure of that.
It was tryhard time.
With spirits reinvigorated and well wide-awake, I jumped out of bed and burrowed out my dating clothes from deep within my closet. It was when I tossed them to a nearby chair that something peculiar caught my eye, a piece of paper stuffed underneath the cologne Ria had gotten me standing tall atop my bedside drawer.
I unfurled the piece of paper, read it, and to summarize - Ria and Adalia took Ash out early this morning for her own private lessons in dating 101 sponsored by Ria\'s Detective Agency Incorporated.
Where they went out was beyond me, the only other vital thing of note was that I was supposed to be in the city center by 1 on the dot at least according to the hasty scribbles that resembled chicken scratches more than they do actual human handwriting.
Scorched marks scattered around the edges told me all I needed to know. For someone who constantly boasts herself highly for her tutoring skills, Ria sure sucks at writing.
As much as I enjoyed poking flaws in the flaming cockatoo, I still have much to prepare for. The clock hanging above the doorway struck an urgent eleven, and my body wasn\'t going to magic itself clean here.
Time for a bath.
Let\'s skip the more perverse bodily details of bathtime and move on instead to me getting dressed. No one wants to know how I looked beyond my baggy shirt and pants, and if you actually do then please go get some help. Something must be definitely wrong with you.
I could barely recall the last time I ever exerted so much effort into making myself look positively prim and proper, staring into the mirror, going cross-eyed, making absolutely sure not a single strand of hair went overlooked.
It reminded me of my job interview that day, spent the better part of the morning donning that suit and tie. All to no avail, unfortunately. Dressed myself for success, only to be met by failure.
Here I was, gazing deep at my reflection, dressed for success once more. I won\'t let this be a failure. Not on my watch.
Speaking of watches - it was already half-past eleven, and I was starved for something to eat. A quick bite before I go wouldn\'t hurt… I\'ll just go about making myself something simple, no need to fret over food when there are other more important things to fret about.
But before that… Ria\'s gift still stood atop the table, it\'s spicy stuffy smell pervading the air all around it.
Even for job interviews, I steered clear of colognes. It never really served a purpose for me.
This was a date, though. Not an interview. And if that love detective swears her life on it… well… a small touch of it wouldn\'t hurt much, right?
A deep breath, a quick sprinkle, and a little regret.
Whatever, losing my sense of smell was a small price to pay for exuding sex appeal. I mean, people do it all the time, right?
With eyes watering, I stowed away the skunk-in-the-bottle into a drawer never to be seen again, and exited the bedroom, entering a familiar deserted hallway.
The quiet of the early morning was something I grew accustomed to living with. Big house, big spaces, and not enough people to fill \'em up with, the dead silence was practically a given.
What I wasn\'t accustomed to was the isolation that came with it - been living in this fancy-ass house for quite some time now, and this was the first time I was actually alone with just me, myself, and I for company.
Usually, a slumbering figure on the living room couch or a shadow painted over the floorboards of Ash\'s doorway would be the telltale signs signifying that I was living by myself no longer.
Didn\'t have that today. No sleepy vampire by the couch and Ash\'s door was swung wide open with not a soul in sight.
That fleeting moment of unsettlement that breezed past me realizing this was a bit of an eye-opener.
My life has actually evolved to the point where I expected the abnormal in my every day, and these brief glimpses of actual normality only made to unease me.
The paranormal has become the new normal, and I surmised that there\'s no turning back from it… not that I minded it one bit, that is. It might sound strange coming from me, the ambassador of bizarre situations, but if I had to choose which version of the every day I would most certainly adhere to, well… fantasy life was best life all the way, wasn\'t even a contest.
Ahh, retrospection is such a gratifying thing, ain\'t it? Turn you humble and makes you grateful for the things you have in the now.
And now I gotta date, so let\'s go get me some energy for it, shall we? I\'m feeling like buttered toast at the moment, so stomp-stomp down the staircase I go, very much famished and craving.
Didn\'t even make it down the last few step before a spontaneous gut-feeling warmed me that something was amiss here. It was a feeling so dreadfully, painfully familiar, it barely even took a second for me to narrow down where and when I felt something like this before.
This sinking feeling told me many things, but none more so prominent than the fact that I was no longer alone here.
Someone was in the house with me, someone I wasn\'t particularly enthusiastic to see, but as I rounded the bend and faced the vastness of the living room, see her I did.
Her sleek curves, her rounded cheeks, they told of an otherworldly beauty like no other, beauty that was slightly dampened by her cold, glaring eyes, her piercing glare like a knife through the chest.
It was the same face I see standing by my bedside when I wake, only this time, no longer did they gaze at me with a murky-white. They were alert, stern, and dark as night.
Adalia this was not.
Just another unexpected visit by an unexpected person... second day in a row, what are the chances?
Unlike Amanda though, I didn\'t need to remember that face, didn\'t need to burrow through memories just to put a name on that expression. I see her in my dreams all the time. A nightmare come to life.
Just as my eyes found her, likewise, she found me too, staring at me dead in the eye, and asked immediately with a daunting voice, "Where is my sister?"
Hello again, Amelia.
Could go on about how much it was an absolute displeasure seeing her again, whine on and on about how her sudden reappearance was a blight tainting a promising day. I could - but I won\'t.
I instead, stifled those thoughts.
It was a new day, a new me.
All those pent-up feelings inside of me I brushed away, as I looked and mustered a small smile her way.
"Nice to see you too," I said.
Despite everything, niceties must be upheld, being the better man was most important than some grudge.
Even if I didn\'t really mean it at all.
Screw you, Amelia.