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Today was a little bit too much entertainment for the entertainment star to handle. Tyler hasn\'t been here for all that long, but already he looked more battered and mentally drained than a war veteran at ground zero. 

I think he\'s having second thoughts now about this challenge. 

"Ya got a beer in the fridge?" He quietly muttered with an expression that was suited more at home at a funeral home. "Need a drink after this."

"No beer," I told him. "Still got a carton of orange though."

"Fuck it, will do." 

There was not a single trace of the loud-mouthed unruly dude in his slow shamble out the bedroom door. Lesson learned, don\'t just waltz into some stranger\'s house. 

Glad he\'s learned the lesson that all kindergarteners already know by instinct.

Soon as he left, I gave Ash a quick rundown of everything that\'s happened so far. The concept of the internet, and what an internet star is was a concept that wasn\'t so easily grasped by a woman of her unique perception of the world. 

"An individual that seeks to entertain the masses at the expense of looking like a complete and utter fool," Ash summarized, taking my words and turning it into her own. "Hmm, so in other words, he is a throne room\'s jester but for the public?"

"That\'s… one way to put it," I said, stricken by this newfound perspective on the concept. "Actually, that\'s a great way to put it."

"Curious..." She remarked, forming a small frown. "Why would one voluntarily subject themself to such humiliation?" 

"Money, attention," I shrug my shoulders. "It\'s how the world works here."

"How unfortunate…"

Yes, Ash. How unfortunate indeed. We truly live in a society, don\'t we?

Now after that part was out of the way, we moved on to my favourite part of the night every night when she comes back home from one of her outings…

"So..." I sucked in a bated breath. "Anything?"

With Irene MIA, and me stuck in rehabilitation… Ash inadvertently became my one-stop shop for any news and finds on the current happenings of the mythical kind. 

Night after night, I ask the same question, absolutely certain that there has to be something. Night after night, it was always nothing.

Tonight was no different.

"I dread to say, Master… but regrettably, progress has still yet to be made," Ash inclined her head, eyes dolefully clasped shut. "Mistress Ria is still…"

Now this is where my mind implodes in on itself. Ria still in slumber was clearly a bad thing. I\'m aware that it\'s a bad thing. All the same, I\'m also relieved that she still was, because that meant I didn\'t have to play out my end of the bargain just yet. 

Then that feeling of relief turns to guilt, then that guilt to shame… then from there I\'m reduced to nothing more than a jumbled mess of moral contradiction I call the \'Ria Paradox\'. 

I\'m upset that I\'m glad that I\'m upset. 

I try not to dwell on it too much in fear that I might short-circuit a synapse or something, instead I tend to distract myself with another mind-bending thought that I\'ve still yet to find an answer to.

"Why is Ria in particular so difficult to wake up for her?" I asked, the first time I ever questioned the thought out loud. "She\'s the Arbiter of the Dead… the sole person closely attuned to the Enstar, this problem here is practically her specialty."

"Everybody has their limits, Master," Ash said. "Even a person like her would have hers."

"If this was her limit, you\'d think she\'d say something… not that she can in the first place - argh, you know what I mean."

At this point, it was starting to look even bleaker. If even Sera herself was having trouble… damn it Ria, why are you always giving people trouble? I just wish I knew why…

Don\'t know how many patient nights I still have until my little bulb of optimism flickers out. 

"Anything else?" I asked, already expecting nothing else.

"There is."

Oh?

"Just one other thing," She continued. "Regarding Sera, she has requested your presence… just you, alone." 

O… kay… speaking of expectations… this was not in the cards.

"She wants to see me?" Even the sentence itself sounded impossible. "Didn\'t she just express to you the other day that she wants absolutely nothing to do with me until the deed is done?"

"Yes, she did indeed express that sentiment."

"Sentiment shared," I scoffed. "Didn\'t she also tell you I was just another ill-will pig looking to take advantage of you, and that you were a fool for trusting me?"

"Her outlook has not changed, unfortunate to say."

"So she says all this, and now she wants to meet with me, out of nowhere, alone," I looked at Ash, hoping she was hearing this the way I did. "Does that not sound foreboding to you?"

"It does," Ash replied. "Which is why I am vehemently against the prospect." 

Heard something in her words I couldn\'t quite place. Like anger but without the anger.

"That\'s nice to know," I said, then narrowed my lips. "But... since you still had to tell me that in the first place, I\'m guessing...?"

Ash sighed. "If you don\'t go, then I\'m afraid Mistress Ria - "

"Okay," I stopped her there. "I had a feeling that was the case."

Hated it when I was right...

"Does... Irene know?" I asked.

Ash nodded. "She does."

So why didn\'t my phone buzz with her name on it? Does she not think this was information she should be sharing with me? Or does she really think the last minute approach is better?

From where I\'m sitting, this doesn\'t sound at all better.

What\'s going on with you, Irene?

"So she claims it\'s for the good of Ria," Here we go again, moral conundrum with no clear answer. "And if I don\'t help out, she will forever stay asleep."

"Not precisely the case," She corrected. "Sera claims she\'d like to try a different  approach this time. She made it clear that it will by no means guarantee success, but that it is still worth a try. If shall you refuse to cooperate, she\'ll just simply continue as is... and hope that it is enough."

So I do have a choice. I didn\'t have to go, I could choose to stay. My involvement didn\'t seem so vital by the sound of it anyway.

Yet, if that was truly the case... then why was it even necessary to bring it up in the first place?  You don\'t ask your worst enemies for help just cause it was  an optional choice... no, you usually only start considering those choices when there are no other choices...

Was this her trying to tell me that?

Or am I just reading too much into it? Was this just the guilt again trying to rationalize a reason to get me to agree?

Cause hell, I didn\'t want to agree, I didn\'t even want to go. Helping Ria, would also mean helping Sera...

But I had to agree, I had to go.. because the more I didn\'t want it, the more I ended up wanting to.

Seriously, I really am a jumbled mess, aren\'t I?

"What do you think, Ash?" I looked towards her for aid. "You said yourself that you\'re against it, but say if you were me hearing that... what would you do?"

Ash took a long while to reply. I noticed that she didn\'t look too troubled... usually anything revolving around dangers such as these would be met with much strong opposition on her end.

The fact that there wasn\'t any here...

"Master..." Ash shook her head. "I know you long enough to know that you don\'t need me to answer that question for you."

She\'s right about that.

"It\'s just..." I blew a breath. "Why alone?"

"I do not know," She simply said. "I\'ve expressed to her strongly that I will not pass on the message unless I get to be by your side."

"But you did pass on the message," I said, staring into her eyes. "What changed?"

She closed them again. "Nothing has changed. I only realized that it is simply not my place to make that choice for you."

"I see..."

"Ultimately, this choice is solely your decision to make, I must respect that," Ash slowly opened her eyes again, once more absent of any opposition. "And it seems to me, you\'ve already decided long ago."

Read like an open book. Ash was getting good at anticipating her Master\'s moves.

But really so far my choices have only gotten me rippling down deeper into thicker swamps of trouble.

And this decision here sounded like my biggest dive bomb into the thickest, murkiest swamp yet...

But what\'s life without its troubles? What\'s living without its perils?

Sounds like the perfect fucking life to me. But alas it also sounded like a life that was far from my own.

Ria, you really are a thorn in my side, aren\'t you? I\'ve barely even known you long, and yet...

"So when exactly am I supposed to meet with her?" I asked, dreading those words as soon as they left my lips. "I\'m guessing tomorrow since today was already a failure."

Ash, to my surprise, shook her head. "No."

"Two days from now?"

"Tonight."

If I was drinking water just then, I\'d have spat it all over me. "Tonight?!"

"Midnight to be precise."

My eyes veered towards the window, where an inky black painted every inch of the glass.

"What time is...?"

"Two more hours, Master," Ash interjected, bowing her head slightly. "Do not worry, I shall get your dinner ready before the time comes."

Dinner was seriously the last thing on my mind right now. Aw man...

Is this divine karma for putting Tyler in mental anguish?

I think I need a beer too now...