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The drive back home didn\'t exactly permeate the same vibe as the drive from home. 

On the outside, sure… everything looked the same, everything sounded same - Tyler grooved to his tunes on the radio with that same… uh, \'unique\' falsetto voice of his, and I remained tucked at the front, window-watching the city streets go by.

Inside, however, I was an aspiring philosopher in wonder, even more so than I already was. 

You\'ve ever thought about death? Wanna spend an afternoon drive pondering what it\'s like to lose a loved one? No? You didn\'t ask? Well, I didn\'t either! Shut your face. Here, let\'s get some bubbly apprehension going in the pit of your guts… cause I know just how much you like that shit. You\'re welcome.

We wheeled past the park again, and in my daze, caught up in my dismal stupor, I already realized too late. Didn\'t get to look for them again… but all was not lost.

I remembered something then. Something so easy to forget, something never again brought up… so easy to slip into the crevices of other long-forgotten bits of knowledge.

A name. 

"Lenora."

My lips felt weird forming that word, that name. Perhaps it\'s because the last time it left it, on that gloomy rainy day, I was screaming myself hoarse right alongside many other things that I said but didn\'t say.

That day. I could never forget that day.

Ash had lost someone too.

"Lenora?" There was a snickering on my side. "Shit, big man, don\'t tell me there\'s a girlfriend number four."

"Nope," I shook my head, eyes like glue to the window view. "No girlfriend."

"Someone you know?"

"Nope," I said again. "Don\'t know her."

Will I ever? I mean, she was just one quick web search away, after all. But thinking that, the question becomes - should I ever? Well, should I?

"Y\'know, they really do care about you a lot." 

Haven\'t yet succumbed to deep thoughts again, so I heard his remark there loud and clear.

"My girlfriends?"

"Duh? Who else will care about ya?"

"Family."

"Fuck, you\'re good. Whatever, anyway, like I was saying - you\'re seriously loved to death, you know?"

Don\'t think he was poking fun, his eyes had that \'wow, dude,\' look twinkling in his irises. 

"Oh yeah?" I nudged my chin at him. "How\'d you figure?"

"Ah boy, do you really need me to spell it out for ya? Alright, buckle up." 

Tyler gave the air a quick sniff, cracking his neck loud. 

"Adalia? Right? When you left that night - seriously, you\'re all she talked about. Can\'t go five sentences without her asking if you\'re alright or if you were looking nervous, scared… how you\'re feeling at that moment. So uh, thought maybe Hide n\' Seek would take her mind off it. You know how the rest went. Oh yeah, found her eventually. Sitting there on the porch, looking up every time a car came by. For real, she\'s head over heels."

The wise, rational part of me advised to take his words with a grain of salt, to not be taken in by hearsay - this was the same part that got me thinking heavy before, so I didn\'t want to hear it. Instead, I wanted to hear more.

There was a fuzzy feeling in my chest picturing Adalia doing those things, asking those stuff. It was a familiar feeling, but no clue where I felt it before, all I knew was that I wanted more of it, so I buckled in tighter.

"What\'s your take on Amanda, then?" I asked, keeping straight-faced. "From my own experience, she ain\'t as brazen as Adalia."

At that, Tyler seal-laughed himself all the way from one red-light to the other. By the time he got himself settled again, there were tears in his eyes that he had to wipe away.

"Boy," He sputtered out between heaving breaths. "Have you seen your own girl\'s feed lately?"

Didn\'t have to play dumb for the confusion to show on my expression. Seeing it, Tyler was utterly dumbfounded from my own ignorance. 

"Oh God, just - " He stopped short, and opted instead to fling his gold-encrusted smartphone onto my lap. "Hup! Tut! Don\'t say anything! Just scroll away."

Amanda\'s profile page was opened to recent activity. Once more, I couldn\'t help but marvel at her number of followers. It\'s bigger now, way bigger than when I last looked… contrasting that, right beside it, her followed list remained stagnated at just one.

That wasn\'t what I was supposed to be focusing on, however, so I scrolled away, and it didn\'t take me long to find out just what exactly Tyler was dying-laughing himself about.

Wedged between shitpost memes and an announcement about attending the convention, was a little something titled <<Practice Sketch #24>>

It was a good sketch, I thought to myself. She can draw faces good. Then I had a closer look.

I recognize those eyes staring back at me, the downward slant they took, how they slightly looked as if they were glaring. Then there was disheveled-looking short hair up there with its end-fringes almost hiding the brows. I know that narrow jawline too, the skinny nose bridge in the middle, those lips that - alright shit, I get it.

I\'m the sketch.

Scrolled down a bit further and found #23. Me again, just drawn from another angle… this time staring out the open window at the rain. #22 I was laying, throwing my head back on the couch. #21 I had a smirk, holding a coffee mug in my hands…

There\'s twenty more of this! What the f - 

"Yeah, I think you should take those words back now, dude," Tyler said, grinning ear to ear at me. "She\'s ain\'t hiding nothing. It\'s all plain to see there."

"This is..." I was reeling, I didn\'t know what this was to me. "Strangely flattering. When did she start this?"

"Like not long ago, I think?" He said, squinting his eyes. "Anyways, yeah… at first, I had no clue who the hell this was supposed to be looking at it. But now? After meeting you? After knowing who you are? Yeah, that\'s you all right. All twenty-four of you, that is."

Mental note: Next time Amanda\'s in sight, inquire, inquire, inquire. There\'s absolute certainty, and then there\'s just plain jumping to conclusions. And for this - it\'s hovering somewhere between the middle, and that\'s where I\'ll leave it for now. 

Side note also: Keep an eye out for #25.

"So…" Tyler had one eye on me still, a half-smirk lingering. "See what I mean, yet? Need more convincing?"

"One more convincing will do," I said, feeling a little twinge as the words left my lips. "What do you have to say for Ash?"

"Ahh, that chick," He nodded, eyes suddenly twinkling. "She\'s… man… honestly, you know what I like most in a woman?"

I gave myself time to ponder it. "Their cup size?"

"Close second, but no."

Ah well, I tried.

"For me - number one will always be devotion," He said, raising a finger. "Love\'s one thing, but it ain\'t nothing if you ain\'t devoted. What\'s the point? Just go. A woman devoted is a woman tender, I always say."

Another red light slowed us to a halt, had him turning to me fully, staring straight and staring cheekily.

"And your girl? Your Ash? Remember I accidentally wandered into her room? Won\'t be exposing her privacy, won\'t tell you what else I saw in there - but just know, man, with that girl at your side… you\'re in safe hands, and trust me, she ain\'t never letting go of you. Never."

Intentional or not, good intentions or no - either way, I was left burning with a want for more, yet he wasn\'t telling more. With Adalia and Amanda, his lips flapped loose. Why was it now that he chose to seal them shut?

That fuzzy feeling inside me continued to fuzz… but now it felt a little… too much, I think. Like it had all bundled up and was weighing me down. It really was too much.

I think I know now where I felt this feeling before - back then, always… It was always too much. Irene always smelt too much.

Same fuzziness then, same fuzziness now. Question was - lust or love? I\'ve no clue.

Tyler didn\'t seem as clueless though. 

"I hope you know just how lucky you are, big man," He said. "People go their whole life waiting for the one, and somehow you got three ones all wanting to be your one."

"Oh, is that how I should see it?"

Tyler affirmed with a nod. "How else can ya see it? Look, I don\'t exactly know what you did to get three hot babes to fall in love with you..." 

"Well," I said, shrugging. "It wasn\'t easy, I\'ll tell you that."

"But it\'s whatever, you know? Whatever you did, did it. And they care a lot now, you know?"

"Mmm..."

"I wanna ask - do you also care just as much?"

"Mmm?" 

I turned, surprised to see a sudden solemnity in his eyes. 

"Just asking \'cause… you know, I know what love can do when things don\'t go right, what it does to a person… guy, girl doesn\'t matter… love like that, it can hurt bad. Guess all I\'m trying to say is… yeah, don\'t hurt them bad, alright?"

No need to guess what was on his mind saying those words. I know. And he knows, I know.

"Wasn\'t planning to," I assured him.

He kept driving. "Don\'t run."

"Not gonna."

"Gotta protect \'em."

"Yeah."

"You love them?"

He looked at me.

I looked at him.

"Yeah."

There was a silence - a long one. Then from behind, blared a horn non-stop, then another, and another. A conga line of horns.

Light was flashing green for about a minute now. 

"Oh, shit." 

Tyler punched hard on the pedal, and physics did its job, nearly whiplashed us by how sudden and fast we jerked forward. Not sure how I survived, or how I was apparently not paralyzed by how bad my neck was aching, but thanks to that - everything was as is again.

Tyler the grinning fool with one hand on the wheel, remarking in wonder about how patient the drivers were in this town to wait a full minute before unleashing the roar of a thousand Krakens upon us.

And glum, little dreary me… eyes out the window once more, in silence, only this time, with plenty more food for thought.

Love, huh? Ain\'t exactly sure how that was gonna help me with Ria. If anything, it just served to distract me from the matter at hand, and I\'m not entirely confident Ria was keen on gossiping about my love life.

Well, if I learned anything from this little outing, it has to be that one thing.

Tyler wasn\'t so bad, after all.

Might leave a sub when I\'m free too. 

He\'s definitely earned it from me.