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There I was. In quiet. In solitude. Beset on all sides by porcelain tiles of white. The slow drip of the faucet, every trickle, a ringing in my ears, a hard thump in my chest.

Into the mirror, where stray shimmering droplets clung and dribble, I saw a man, his hardened gaze reflecting back his resolve… the breath leaving him steady and calm. 

Past narrow lips he muttered hushed, speaking to the man that stared back at him behind the looking glass, to me, he uttered, "Don\'t be a bitch, dude. It\'s just a costume."

I turned to the side where the door was, and immediately was pelted by a choir of bells ringing above my head, the bathroom walls amplifying the clangor to an almost unbearable degree. 

Whoever\'s idea it was to put freaking golden shrilly maracas onto a jester\'s hat needs to suffer for all eternity hearing nothing but dings, blings, and clings. It\'s only right. It\'s only just. I hate you, maraca man.

Still rattling with every move, and all care in the world gone, I pulled open the door, with the grand shield called boldness deflecting any shame - threw my arms out and boldly proclaim aloud, "Thedenhafanthinels disbesdeygot I lokgud?"

Which I think was gibberish for: "They didn\'t have anything else, this is the best they got. Do I look good?"

Ash stood especially still by the bed. I know I told her she didn\'t have to smile and spew out praises and compliments through gritted teeth. I can handle honesty, but the way her eyes blinked absolutely mortified... maybe there was such a thing as too much honesty.

"Flashy," She said after a long, long look of assessment. "Colorful. Flamboyant. Grandiose." 

"Is that your honest feedback, or are you just listing off neutral-sounding adjectives so that I don\'t have to feel too bad about myself?"

Her stare remained as empty as ever. "Confident."

"Aww," I took off the macara-hat. "Well, aren\'t you such a dear?" 

Ash finally broke, stifling a chuckle, while trying her best to hide the smile on her face with the back of her hand. "Please, forgive me… your request, it really is much harder than at first glance."

"Yikes," I sucked in a breath, deflating into a lump onto the bed. "And here I thought I made it look good. Is it really that bad?" 

"Well, I wouldn\'t say that," said Ash, bending forward, snatching the jester hat from my hands and placing it back on my head. "I\'m fond of the color at the very least. The red stripes, the black. They help bring out your eyes."

"My eyes," I looked up at her. "That all you got?"

"It\'s all I need, Master," She said, stepping back, her expression still bright. "I like your eyes."

Well, if you put it like that… I suppose I could go on with the hat on my head held high. Like how could I not? I\'m a sucker for that smile, won\'t deny it. 

Still, I guess I shouldn\'t expect any more heartfelt compliments like that from anyone else. My long, curling shoes, my zig-zag stripes and patterns, they don\'t exactly scream creme de la creme if you know what I mean.

Then in the other corner, here was Ash - the gleaming, shining, silver-haired maiden in armor. I haven\'t seen her in her knight outfit for so long I almost forgot how surreal she looked wearing it. 

It did really look as if someone just plucked her out from a movie or something and plopped her into my bedroom willy-nilly… and she made it look all so seamless, effortless. Every move she made, refined, dignified. 

All we needed now was a clear sunset, windy skies, and a cliff overlooking it all and I got myself a new desktop background to sit and ogle at for hours at a time. 

She\'ll stand out, no doubt about that. She always does. It was the only reason why I didn\'t walk away from her that day. I always have a tendency to make the wrong move when it comes to making decisions like those. I almost always regret them.

I\'m glad I didn\'t make the wrong move then. And right now… I... I should make sure I don\'t regret anything now.

"Hey, by the way…" I began, staring back all casual-like. "Afterward, when it\'s all over. I\'m gonna have to go out somewhere tonight, not sure when I\'ll be back, so I\'m gonna have to count on you to bring Sera back for me."

"Oh, I see," She replied, nodding at once. " Sera shouldn\'t have any qualms with that arrangement. Very well, Master… I\'ll be sure to see it done." 

I was expecting something else to be added, it never always ended with a dot. There was always something to be said, something to be asked. After all, what kind of Servant would she be, if she didn\'t?

"Alone too," I continued.

"Understood."

But she didn\'t.

I looked back at her, not as casual this time, "You\'re not going to ask where I\'m going?"

"Somewhere, wasn\'t it?" 

"Usually you\'d need a lot more detail than that before you give me your all-clear, and even after that, you\'d insist I take you along with me."

She nodded again, a small faint smile as her gaze dropped ever so slightly. "Yes, I suppose I do have the tendency to be overzealous with those kinds of things, don\'t I? Perhaps it is best if I rein myself back ever so often." 

"You seriously don\'t feel like finding out?" 

"I\'m curious," she simply said. "But I don\'t think it\'ll do both of us any harm if I simply remain only curious." 

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"You have to know, that\'s how this goes, you ain\'t content unless you know so - " I abruptly stopped, a thought popped up, her eyes, they continued to stray. "- Unless of course, you already know."

Epiphanes like that come about occasionally to me, and half the time I get these things wrong.

This time, it seemed, I got the other half instead.

"Lady Irene is a woman of great foresight," Ash said, straightening her gaze towards mine once more. "She foresaw that you may be… reluctant to share with me what\'s transpired between you two. I am pleased to see that she wasn\'t entirely right." 

"You know already?" 

"Early on, during your attempts to summon Sera," She explained. "While we were alone together, Lady Irene took it upon herself to tell me what - "

"Everything?" I interjected, trying hard to keep myself calm and steady. "She\'s told you everything? The bargain, the stipulations? You… you know already what it is we have to do… in order to fulfill it?"

Ash smiled again, that always reassuring smile. "Indeed. There is nothing about it that I do not know. I know already where you\'re off to, I know already what tonight would entail… and yes, I know already what it is you two would have to do in order to fulfill it."

I gaped at her. "And you\'re... okay with that?" 

She bowed her head at me, firmly, slowly, eyes shut sincerely, "Of course I am."

Gaping still. "Is that your honest opinion, or are you just giving neutral-sounding statements so that I don\'t have to feel too bad about myself again?"

Her eyes, fluttering open, stayed sincere. "Confident."

I stood up from the bed, a strange piercing feeling inside inflating me up to my feet. "Why?"

"Why?" She repeated back amused. "I\'m… I\'m not entirely sure how to answer that for I don\'t know what it is you ask of me."

"Try, Ash, try."

She blew a sigh. "Alright, I\'ll try. To me, it is only logical is it not? Should you refuse, your life shall be rendered null. I see absolutely no reason why I should be in any way against this."

"Okay, yes, fine, logically speaking," I said, taking a step towards her. "But… emotionally… what\'s your answer to it?"

"My answer," Ash pondered for a moment. "Emotionally, I… I am unsure exactly what to make of it. I\'m afraid I can\'t answer that."

"Alright, let me rephrase it for you then," I said, taking a breath. "Ash, do you truly want this?"

I had to know. I seriously had to know. I can\'t go out that bedroom door, I can\'t leave this place unless I know exactly what it is she wanted. 

And that was my mistake. I forgot that one little tiny thing.

"Want?" Ash\'s lips curved again. "I see now. Master, I think you must have forgotten, haven\'t you?

I clicked my tongue. "I don\'t care if you don\'t - you can! You can want, you do want. What do you want?"

She shook her at me. "You ask me that, I cannot tell you, for I do not myself, Master. I do not know what I want. I don\'t have to know what I want. It is not my place, it is not my position, as you\'re Servant - "

"That\'s not what you said before when we were on the date," I pointed out. "That\'s not what you said when - "

"Master, Master…" She raised her hand, took a step forward. "I know you are trying to be kind again… and I came to find it very much welcoming as of late. But you and I both know that it is for the best that just this once… for just this one instant… you spare me that bit of kindness, for it is not I that you should be spending it on."

I didn\'t wanna end it there, I wasn\'t planning on ending things there - I took hold of her as she tried to walk away, sucked in a breath not even knowing what the hell it was I was gonna say - but I just knew I had to say something.

Anything.

"I - !"

Something outside blared. A horn, beeping… once, twice, and the distinct hum of an engine whirring in the air.

"I believe that is for us, Master," Ash looked at me, still smiling kindly. "Today\'s a day of great festivities. I believe it is for the best if we take care to ensure we both are able to enjoy it to the fullest. Don\'t you agree?"

I breathed, I blinked. "Yeah…"

"Very well," She gripped my hand tight. "Then let\'s go ahead and enjoy ourselves, shall we?"