BXBX NOVEL Chapter 277 - Once More, With Feeling
I never believed there would ever come a time where any mentions of my mother would bring shivers down my spine. Like… you ever just been raised and nurtured by like, the literal boogeyman of an entire realm and like, just know about it the whole time?
Don\'t expect I\'d be getting many \'dude, same\' by the homely folks on the internet if I ever vent out my feelings online. Yeah, nowadays, the word family brings up a totally different image in my head from the happy, wholesome sketch I once had before.
Especially Mom, especially her… I noticed recently that every time she gets brought up in a discussion, I tend to heave a heavy sigh, before bracing myself as I asked quietly and oh so wearily -
"What did she do?"
The answers I get never strayed from the horrific, to the outright, downright, despicable acts that went beyond the comprehension of more ethical, kindlier minds.
Kinda like mine…
Adalia easily heard my apprehension to the exact decibel, and reacted accordingly, soothing worries with a soothing voice.
"She didn\'t do it to hurt… me…" Then with a shake of the head, doubled down on her affirmation. "Not… her fault…"
"For once, anyway," I said, doing a full circle with my eyeballs. "So, what… what exactly did she do to make you this way?"
It was only after the question left my lips did it only occur that I actually already knew the answer to this somewhere, some time ago, which frankly, wasn\'t that very long ago… and straight out of the horse\'s mouth herself.
When Mom came to visit, she mentioned it briefly in passing and as casually as one would commenting on the weather. A metamorphosis of sorts, she called it.
Took away Adalia\'s fangs, her claws…
"My sister… and I pleaded… her… to strip away my… nature as a vampire… from me… turn me… close to a human..."
Yeah, that was as much as I knew about it to begin with. Still, I suppose it doesn\'t hurt to know about it just a little more.
"Sounds impossible."
"It… is…" Adalia said. "But Terestra could… and she did. It was… painful… but… it worked. I woke… up… no longer… craving… for the first time… I was not starving… I… I wasn\'t hurting…"
A dream come true granted and bestowed from the most unlikeliest of sources. Last I checked, you don\'t go pleading to the literal embodiment of wickedness to resolve all your problems… that\'s just begging for strings attached that can\'t ever at all be broken.
"The spell took away… my disorder… but it also took away… other things… too..."
And indeed, it did.
"She warned… this might… happened too…" Adalia said, staring wistfully away into the distance. "I thought… I wouldn\'t mind… as long… as it worked… I knew I\'d be… happy…"
I looked at her, and the ever-present vacantness swirling in her misty whites. "Were you?"
"I… think I was…" She said, uncertainty in her murmur. "It was hard… to feel things at… the beginning. It\'s still… a little hard.. to feel things… now too…"
\'Course, had it been just that ending so simple and a tad bittersweet… we wouldn\'t even be here in the first place. I kept staring at her, the tips of her fangs faintly protruding, her fingers in the grass beside my own, and noting just how narrower they were, sharper they were from my own.
From a human.
It didn\'t matter where you were, it seems… the modern world, or the fantasy life, either way, reality hits just as hard. Misfortune and sorrow were always a need in the eyes of cruel Mistress Fate.
"And in the end, it wasn\'t even worth it," I said, the sight of her blank stare now pricking at my chest just a bit. "You didn\'t stay human, you reverted back to how you were… and the things you did lose… your emotions, speech… they stayed lost."
"Ahh.. well… It isn\'t… so bad… sometimes..." She said, keeping stoic. "Not feeling things. It helps… hide things… when I don\'t want… to show…"
"Like what?"
"That I realized… it wasn\'t… worth it… after all..." She turned towards me. "My sister… didn\'t have to see… me crying about… it… because I can\'t… even cry… in the first… place…"
"That\'s…" I was a little at a loss for words. "I don\'t think that\'s - "
Once again, the emotionless heard my emotion. "Don\'t worry about me… okay…? I am… used to how I am… now. It doesn\'t bother me… anymore… so please… don\'t change… how you look at me… I don\'t want… that…"
"But, it must feel pretty frustrating, right?" I said, then after a moment of critical thinking, added hastily. "I mean, I know you can\'t feel that, but - you know what I mean, right? Not being able to properly express yourself. How do you do it? Like when was the last time you felt at all happy?"
"I am… happy..." She said plainly, slowly forming, displaying, a little smile. "Right now… I am… happy…"
"Oh?" I blinked rapidly, caught blindsided by her response. "Any particular reason why?"
"It\'s easier now… to feel things…" She said, her clouded misty eyes suddenly, briefly, surprisingly seemed so clear. "When I\'m… with you..."
Right then, I kinda wished I could hide my emotions just as well. Something tensed up in me and for the utter life of me, it won\'t go lax.
"Don\'t fall in love now," I warned, salvaging the shattered pieces of what was once my composure. "Your sister won\'t like that… and I really don\'t think any amount of gems would convince her otherwise."
"Love…" Adalia repeated softly, her stare drifting in and within thoughts. "I would like… to know how that feels too… maybe someday..."
"Well, fortunately, you don\'t have to wonder too hard about it. You already love your sister, don\'t you?"
"So… very much…" She affirmed at once with words so sincere. "But please… don\'t pretend… you don\'t know… what I mean…"
"Can\'t blame me," I had to stifle a chuckle. "Love could mean anything at all, you know?
Yes…true..." She said, blinking once. "And It could also mean… you…"
Then, I had to stifle a choke, stifle a gasp, stop my eyes from bulging bloodshot and out my sockets. For a moment all I did was stare, and in that shared moment, she did the same.
"But… I wouldn\'t know that now… would I…?" She had a smile again, this time with just a touch of mischief at the end of her lips. "As you said… love could mean… anything… right…?"
Haha, very funny. Very awkward too now that the silence came and went. Yeah, I\'m done with this discussion. Get me out of here.
With a sigh, I stood up first, stretching and straining the rigidness in my joints away. "If you can joke just fine, then you can walk just fine. How about it, ready to keep going?"
She stared up. "Must… we…?"
"Yep. Got Princesses to see, Elves to discover. Besides… I haven\'t seen Sera in a long, long while now too. I\'m getting a little concerned. Unless, you\'d rather just stay here alone… and I go off by myself, alone that is."
"No…" She began to scramble. "I\'ll… follow…"
Knowing what I know now, it suddenly became plain as day - the silent struggle, the hidden struggle - the effort it took just getting herself back up to her feet.
Before I could even think of anything else, I already had a hand out towards her. I know she said not to, but I can\'t help but still do. Is that how Amelia feels all the time?
Adalia paused, confused I\'m sure. I never was the one to reach my hand out first - those kinds of things - it was always her. Would she take it? Does she even want to?
Once more, I didn\'t get to think too long before I felt her hand slowly grip mine. I held back firm, and pulled her up to her feet… all the while, her stare never straying from mine.
"What?" I asked. "You\'re thinking something… and I don\'t think I like it."
"No… perhaps… maybe…" She began, a peculiar look in her eyes. "I\'m not the only one… that is feeling things… easier too..."
Seriously, when the hell did she get this knack for firing back? Or was she always like this, and I just didn\'t know? I guess, either way, I was seeing a whole lot more than ever before.
Feeling more too.
"If you say so. Now, if you\'re done making observations, let\'s just go and continue our search, alright?" I said, keeping things cool and aloof whilst taking the first march forward. "In the meantime… who knows? Perhaps if we have the time, we can also try and discover what love is to a person like you."
She trailed along, one step behind mine. "That sounds… nice…"
"Yeah? Thought you\'d like to do that," I said, eyeing her with a smile. "Let\'s just hope it won\'t take too long to find this love of yours."
And to my surprise, when I looked, somehow her smile was wider than my own.
"No…" She said softly, happily. "I don\'t think… it will… at all…"