BXBX NOVEL Chapter 421 - Choice
The instant I ended the call was the instant my choice was made, and obviously, it needs go without saying… it wasn\'t without its divisiveness.
See, the downside to my Dad\'s firm insistence of his privacy, was that I had to go explain the plan to everyone else myself, and unlike the Hero of the Realm, or the Demon that ruled it, I didn\'t have the sway or the influence to tether any trust or confidence towards me.
The sheer, utter disbelief on their faces when I unveiled to them this loosely-strung, loosely-formulated plan of mine… I almost wished I saved a picture.
Amelia lead charge the bastion of opposition to my decision, lacing doubts in her wit, weaving provocations in her skepticisms, like a broken record of protest playing on an unending loop.
But when I continued to keep firm on my intentions, that\'s when she waved the white flag, fed up, seemingly losing all hope she had on me… if there even was such a thing in the first place.
"I am done arguing with you," She vehemently stated, eyeing me with a scorn beyond anything before. "If you will not listen to reason, insist on this foolishness in the guise of heroism, then I will not waste another breath. You chose this, this is your decision, but know this… the consequences, the repercussions of this choice, won\'t only be just yours alone to bear."
Meanwhile, Irene, all the while I\'ve been explaining, remained quiet and listening, speaking only once all was said and done… and what she said after, caught me really off guard.
"I want to talk to you, alone, not here," then without waiting for a reply, she marched straight towards her office door, fingers tight on the handle. "Now."
What she felt, what she thought, the straightforwardness of her tone didn\'t give anything away.
Knowing nothing else to do, I went ahead and followed along with the harsh clacking of her heels as she opened the door, leading us through.
"Watch your sister, make sure nothing happens while we\'re away," She told Adalia, before turning her sharp gaze to the slumped, slouching figure by her desk. "And you, remember - "
"Don\'t move," Harry finished for her, smiling a polite smile that was far from sincere. "I remembered."
Outside, away from her office was whiplash. The absolute tonal shift, the abrupt change in ambiance, how normal, mundane everything else was... for a moment, I could forget… but I didn\'t get to forget for long.
Irene funneled us through a series of halls and rooms that grew less and less dense of people the deeper we went.
I also noticed, which wasn\'t hard to notice, that her fellow colleagues, superiors even, would go out of their way to get out of her way, their stares a diverse mixture of admiration, respect, fear… and most commonly, obviously, arousal.
It was in a desolate corridor close to a restroom that we finally came to a stop. The halt of steps, the spin of her heels, and the look in her eyes - if Amelia was menacing, then Irene was unnerving… which honestly, arguably, was even worse.
"I brought us here because I didn\'t want Amelia snarking in on us every two seconds," She took a step forward towards me, her rigid stare one I couldn\'t find myself veering away from. "That being said, I agree with everything she\'s said… and nothing with yours."
Blunt honesty was an aspect of her that I greatly appreciated. But even still… blunt hits hard.
"Dad\'s on board with it, that\'s one out of two powerful beings," I said to my defense.
"Only because you coerced him into it, guilt him into it," She refuted back. "And by the looks of it, it sounds as if he\'s only just indulging you. Seriously, irritate the Demon Goddess? That\'s the stupidest thing I\'ve ever heard."
"I know that."
"Yes, I know you know that, what I want to know is why? Why go ahead with this anyway? Even by your impossible standards, this is a stretch too far being a sturdy pillar of morality and justice."
"You\'re saying that pillar should crumble?"
"I\'m saying it\'s fine to have some cracks," She replied. "You don\'t have to save everybody, not everybody can be saved. That doesn\'t make you a bad person."
"Again, I know that."
Irene clicked her tongue. "Again, I know you know that, and so again, I ask why? You know there\'s nothing that can be done, you know it\'s dangerous to keep him alive for longer, and you definitely know the risks of asking your Mother."
I could tell Irene was holding back immensely here, sugar-coating her words, subduing her tone. She had all the rights in the world to go off on me right there and then, and the fact that she wasn\'t… I kinda wish she would.
"And you know trying to save him endangers you, endangers us, your sister too. The last thing you want to happen. So, what\'s this then? Your beliefs are contradicting here."
More than anything else, that was the focal point of everything. Doing this means risking everyone else. More than Amelia, more than Irene, I was my own worst critic.
Fuck him.
No seriously, fuck Harry.
Fuck him to hell, I say. He can\'t be saved. Nothing can be done, I tried, I pleaded, I argued. I did everything I could, didn\'t I?
Didn\'t I?
If it\'s that much of a risk to save him, if it\'s an even bigger risk keeping him alive. If it\'ll threaten more than it would save - then the choice was practically made for me, wasn\'t it?
But that\'s just it. That\'s my issue with it all, that one little thing, that annoying thing - choice.
"If I can choose to let him die here," I spoke quietly, staring up at her. "Then I can choose to let you die too, couldn\'t I?"
A flicker in her gaze, but her lips stayed close, instead, she only listened.
"I know if I let him die, it\'ll be agonizing, the guilt will eat me up alive, I probably won\'t be able to live with myself after… but what\'s worse is what comes afterward… because I\'ll know that once I choose now, then I\'ll know I have it in me to make that choice again."
I took a moment to breathe, to find the words, I don\'t know if I was getting my feelings across right.
"So if something happens, if something like this happens again - and if you, maybe not even you, Ash, Amanda, Sammy, anybody - if I have to choose again…"
She shook her head. "That won\'t happen."
"It\'s already happened!" I interjected. "If I choose here, then I already chose my future choices along with it. I would know there would be nothing I could do to save you, so what happens next? I\'d choose again. Then pretty soon… gradually, over time, that choice slowly gets easier and easier to make."
Was I even making sense to her? Hell, was I even making any sense to myself? I\'m not sure, I don\'t know. Like before, the look in her eyes escapes me. So I kept going, laid my feelings bare, hoping she\'d feel, she\'d know, just through feeling alone.
"I don\'t want to make it easier, I don\'t want to make that choice, I don\'t want it to be a choice at all! So I\'ll fight it, I\'ll deny it, do everything it takes to save him! Because if he lives, if I can save him…" Her gaze in mine, another flicker, she finally understood.. "Then I can save you too."