Chapter 483 - A Little More
It was just then I was realizing that vampire wounds were a lot more troublesome than they really oughta be. Stripping away the old, already worn bandages from my benumbed hand revealed bright beads of red still bleeding afresh from every reopened gash.
But the moment I gave myself some respite from barrier-breaking, the bleeding and stinging gradually ceased once more, and that\'s when I realized the actual reality of the matter - that I was more a trouble to myself than I really oughta be. I\'m blaming my hand, when I really should be blaming myself here.
For some stupid reason, I just have a knack for refusing to let any wounds or ailments plaguing mend or heal undisturbed… my noble cause always have the tendency to get in the way of that. Be it for a rain of blood, a phoenix slumbering in comforting lies, or a man at the brink of losing himself in his entirety… that intrinsic sense of self-preservation just sorta gets tossed out the window for me.
As always Ash was my guardian angel in disguise, gentle to the touch, meticulous with the procedure, ensuring my discomfort was kept to the minimum whilst keeping the treatment ever thorough. If I had to rate her nursing service, she\'d be looking at a very high infinity out of ten, and if you try, and I mean, really try, to wrench out any kind of downsides from my clearly biased, prejudiced lips, then I suppose there was one slight little nitpick I have as of late.
"You\'re very, very, quiet still, you know?"
Ash paused, my hand resting in the warmth of her palm, still slightly exposed with the second layer of dressings only halfway around my fingers, but then once quickly noticing her own dormancy, promptly finished up with a second, was on her way onto wrapping around a third already.
"Your complete focus is of great pertinence to the task at hand, is it not, Master?" She responded after a while, her voice light and free of any unease or unrest. "I simply thought it best that you be left well alone for the time being."
Too light and free if you ask me…
"You say that, yet I get the feeling that it isn\'t me that wants to be left alone for the time being," with my free hand, I reach to stroke her cheek, and there as well, I felt her unusually warm, as well as feeling her twitch from my touch. "Any particular reason why, Ash? Is it because of - "
"None, Master," She said, slowly pulling her hands away from her now finished work. "And if there was any, even then, I feel it would beyond any of your - "
"Don\'t say it\'s nothing for me to worry about," I interjected. "If anything\'s bothering you, Ash… do you really think I\'m just gonna let you, let me drop it?"
She gave it some thought, closing her eyes to ponder, or perhaps to surreptitiously enjoy the feeling of my hand on cheek, can\'t tell which, but then with a relinquishing sigh, Ash gave a smile. "Perhaps not, after all. I\'d be a fool to think any differently."
"Yes, you\'d be a fool, indeed," I drew my hand away, nodding. "And a cute, lovely fool at that."
Compliments no matter big or small were always a surefire way to raise her spirits, but I guess, even that fact of life has its rare exceptions.
"Yet alas, Master. I fear now is no time at all to be sorting out any personal grievances, is it?" She said, her smile and stare a distant, melancholic show. "You cannot afford your focus astray, and should I express myself now to you, would only serve to your own detriment."
It was a fair point she made there. Time and focus dedicated to her was time and focus I wasn\'t dedicating towards helping Harry.
"Maybe next time, Master," Ash said softly, slightly tilting her head down and keeping it down. "A better time."
That I can agree with, and luckily enough, I know just the perfect time already.
"So tonight, you\'ll tell me tonight?"
Once again, Ash took quite a while to reply… and I just assumed she was probably giving the notion some deep, heavy thinking.
Then she slowly raised her eyes towards me and, well… she was thinking, alright, but just not precisely what I was thinking about.
"Umm…" Her lips stayed slightly parted as the feeling of confusion traveled around and eventually reached her eyes. "Tonight, Master?"
"Yeah, tonight," I affirmed, nodding once more, then when all I got was another bout of long silence and a blank gaze, I further elaborated. "You wanted to, um… sleep under the stars together or something?"
You could actually accurately pinpoint the exact moment in time when the realization dawned on her. There were many indications, just pick one. Her eyes widening, rapidly blinking past emotion after emotion, each looking more aghast than the last. The way she tried to hide the surprise in her voice with a stifled gasp, only for it to backfire, and temporarily turning her into a meek squeaky mouse instead.
"I-I see, you were referring to… to that, yes, um, I understand now… tonight…" She mumbled, absentmindedly fiddling around with the roll of bandages with suddenly unsteady hands. "S-Surely, Master, you don\'t mean… to see my foolish request through… do you?"
Is she… backtracking right now?
"I\'m sorry, but weren\'t you the same girl that created a waterspout in my favorite lake so that I have to see it through?" I said, tilting my head a little bemused. "Or wait, was that just another white-haired Elf-Knight I went and made that promise with?"
Ash ran her fingers through a stream of her hair, I guess twirling bandages around wasn\'t enough to completely satisfy.
"In a certain manner of speaking, Master," She said a little stiffly. "It\'s not as if back then that you were conversing and, in a sense, f-frolicking with an individual that was of sound mind… a person not entirely capable of… sensible reasoning and thoughts, so to speak."
So, um… if I\'m hearing right, did she just unintentionally accuse me of taking advantage of her in her drunken state? Was I that slow? That dumb? Because I seriously felt like it was really the other way around… and I have all the soft, squishy sensations on my back from her endless huggings to prove it.
So null and void, then?" I asked her, raising a brow. "Everything you said, everything you\'ve done back then, invalidated, didn\'t happen. Is that so?"
"No, no, not… " She paused again, eyes meeting mine in slight alarm. She hit a snag and she knew it, and she knew I knew it too. Her voice came out again, saying in a faint, almost reluctant whisper. "Not entirely…"
Okay, I have a feeling that modesty and reservations are getting in the way again.
"You can\'t have it both ways, Ash, it\'s either you meant what you said or you didn\'t," I told her, smiling a little whimsically. "So which is it? Did you really mean what you said, or was it an entirely different Elf all along?"
The evening sky, the orange glow, the way it shimmered and shone across her pale and blushing complexion… I really wished I had taken a picture.
"I just assumed, Master…" She said, her emerald eyes squirming trying to keep from veering away from mine. "Considering circumstances, your current predicament… is it not for the best that you abstain yourself from meaningless distractions."
"Meaningless distractions," I gave her a look. "You?"
"No, I - you understand what I mean, Master," She quickly said. "There\'ll be time later, opportunities then. To indulge me now… it just doesn\'t seem so wise."
She says all this, sensible, rational, all these well-thought reasons, and yet why does she sound like she\'s forcing herself to say it? Because she didn\'t mean any of it, obviously. Once more, I knew it, she knew it, and she knew I knew it too.
What she truly wanted, she could never say… \'cause as always, when it came to her needs over others, it\'s no mystery how she sorts her priorities. Guess in a way, we sorta have that in common with each other.
"Maybe so," I mused, "But here\'s my counter-argument," and without another word, I raised my newly bandaged hand before her, giving it a good few seconds for her to have time to assess and stare, then after a while, I lowered it back down. "Tell me, is it wise to bleed out before I can get the job done? Better to let it heal first before I do anything else, don\'t you think?"
"I… suppose so," Ash said.
"It\'s like the whole universe is telling to catch my breath, figured maybe it\'s about time I start listening, y\'know?"
"Hmm..."
"And what\'s a better remedy than a good night\'s rest?" I said, pretending to think about it for a moment, searching the surroundings for an answer, before finally setting my sights on one. "Oh right, that\'s right, a good night with you."
A little dimmer, a little darker now, the orange gradually fading to black, her bright glowing eyes like beacons of light beneath the dimming skies.
"Perfect timing, too," I muttered, gazing up at the first white dots sparkling up high above us. "Looks like it\'s going to be quite a nightly view."
"Is it… truly alright?" Ash suddenly said, whispered, and when I met her stare again, it had gone quite still and steady. "Is it truly alright for me… to want… to desire… to put myself before others… just this once?"
The way she spoke didn\'t sound like she was asking me, it didn\'t sound like she was asking anybody in particular either. Nevertheless, I went ahead and answered her anyway.
"Yes, it\'s alright."
"To be greedy, to be selfish…" She continued to say. "To want more than I truly deserve?"
I repeated again. "Yes."
"And to have you for myself…" Here, I heard her voice waver. "To receive you… to enjoy myself with you… unconditionally… without bearings… without worries… is it truly alright for me to do so?"
The breeze, in the soft blowing breeze, I answered once more. "It\'s alright."
"With my entirety… with every fiber of my being" Her eyes twinkled, my stare glimmering back in her luster. "Can I truly… may I truly… love you unhindered?"
And one last time, I made sure she heard me say, as I entwined my hand in hers, "I want you too."
No reaction, nothing dramatic, a single blink, a vacant stare, and a faint whisper of acknowledgment, "I see…"
"Yeah," I nodded, clutching her hand tighter. "So tonight, whatever happens tonight, whatever you want to do, I\'ll - "
I never got to finish. I never even got to hear myself think next. One moment there was nothing, and then in the next, I felt the sensation, I felt the pressure… and I fell back.
Her pressure.
The feel of her soft lips crashing hard against mine, the warmth of breath trickling lightly on my skin, desire, desperation, confusion, all woven into one long passionate kiss. So hard, so intense, I could feel myself being forced back - both hands planted firm in the dirt to keep me steady, to keep us steady.
Her voice slipped out somewhere in the blur, and I heard her moan, how she sounded, moved… without restraint, without reserve, an eagerness unbarred, a craving unbridled, and then before I realized it - it stopped.
A soft pucker, and Ash\'s lips left mine, and with a heavy, trembling breath, I felt her lean her head against my chest. Slowly, she lifted her gaze, a bright red streaking across her face, and raw emotion reflecting in her stare.
"More… " She whispered, her voice heavy and yet faint. "To do more… with you… that is what I wish to do… Master…"
Breathing hard as well, I swallowed. "I\'ll get ready…"