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Of course, the clever, intuitive boyfriend that I am, I saw her queries coming from a mile away... just because she approves of me, doesn’t mean she no longer has any reservations about me, after all. So I brought out the inner politician in me, responding to all her questions about our relationship with a bunch of fluff and padding that doesn’t actually answer anything.

I was doing well for a little while there, easily dodging all of her more promiscuous questions. She paused for a moment to hydrate herself, making us both a swirling porcelain cup of tea, before settling herself back onto the sofa with a fresh set of inquiries at the tip of her tongue.

“So is Amanda the first girlfriend you’ve ever had? Or were there others before her?”

My tea nearly springboarded back up my windpipe as I took a sip. Hiding tears in my eyes and a choking quiver in my voice, I said, “Yeah, Amanda’s my first.”

Inversely, Mrs. Collins sipped her tea with refinement and grace, staring at me over the rims of polished china. “You hesitated there.”

“Did not.”

.....

“Oh, yes you did,” She said with an air of accomplishment. “It’s okay if she isn’t. If you have exes, past relationships... it doesn’t hold any significant weight to your present now. First loves don’t always tend to work out, right?”

Firsts, seconds, thirds... something tells me she won’t take it too gracefully if I told her how many first loves I was on currently... pretty dangerous grounds were treading right now.

“If it doesn’t matter, why ask me about it?”

“Because as I said, first loves don’t always tend to work out,” She repeated herself. “Would you like to guess what number Amanda is currently on?”

“Oh,” I looked into her eyes, realization quickly dawning. “You’re worried.”

“It’s rare that you get your Mr. Right just right the first time through. Me myself, I’ve broken my heart so many times before I finally found mine. And with you, see, you... I’m sure Amanda thinks you’ll be her first and last. We all think that at first. But, you know, well-are you?”

“I intend to be, I want to be,” I told her, straight-faced and with all the sincerity in the world. “That’s all I can really tell you.”

“I noticed you’re not promising to be,” She eyed me with a half-smile. “And you’re absolutely right not to, because who knows what the future has in store? Perhaps one day, for some reason or another the spark just fizzles, the passion just dies... and my daughter becomes just another ex in your pile and vice-versa. Being in love has no set expiry date, it could either last for all time or end in no time at all. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.”

Not really, but, all the same... I just nodded anyway, sipping my tea as casual as I can be.

“But it’s just... Amanda just has this great feeling about you. I can feel it. With you, she’s so sure, so certain... like there’s nobody else in the world that would be right for her. And really, the way she lights up when you’re with her, how fiery and full of life she has been since you came into her life... I’m starting to believe that she might be right.”

“And if she ends up being proven wrong...” Mrs. Collins’ gaze slowly trailed off into the gentle brown swirl of her cup. “Oh, I don’t even dare to imagine. I need my sleep...”

“Now you’re just simply overthinking stuff,” I said. “Everything you said about Amanda applies to me too, y’know? She gets me in a way I don’t think anyone else can. I... I can’t really explain it well but... life is... to me, life can get a little bizarre at times, and with her... knowing I have her, being with her... she brings some levity into it and life starts to make sense again.”

Her lips slanted to a little frown as if she was listening to me speak in gibberish, and fair enough, I probably did sound a little vague.

“Meaning to say?”

“If I lose your daughter, if somehow I lose Amanda,” I slowly said. “Trust me, you’re the only one who’ll never sleep again. After meeting her, after falling in love with her... I can’t think of anyone else I want to be my Mrs. Right. With her, life feels... right.”

In my head, I struggled to repress the image of the other girls from sprouting up. One by one, acting like prosecutors on the stand yelling objection to my bold claims. I’m aware the things I’m spouting were pretty much a lie of omission... yet all the same time... saying the things I said... I don’t think I could have been any more honest and truthful if I tried.

And my sincerity was heard loud and clear, her head raising a little, her frown fading a little.

“You sound very corny, you know?” She told me, before breaking into a beaming smile. “Which definitely means you’re speaking from the heart.”

Of course she has to point it out for me... like I don’t already feel mortified enough elaborating my feelings to my girlfriend’s mother with all the magnificence of a pile of plates clattering into a dirty sink.

“Okay, that settles it, then. My worries, my hopes, I’m pinning it all on you now,” Mrs. Collins spoke clearly and firmly. “My daughter is in your hands now. It might be a stupid thing to do, might even the wrongest thing to do... but... just like Amanda... I have a good feeling about you.”

She looked at me, and I... I had my tea on my lips, and I think I’ve completely forgotten to take a sip.

“I... I don’t know what to say...”

“Say that you will,” She said. “Say that you will give her all the love and respect deserving of her and much, much more. I’m trusting that you’ll take good care of her for me. You’re up for that, right?”

Finally, for once, a question I can actually answer.

“It’d be my pleasure.”

“And so should I ever come to find out one day that her heart has been broken,” She added on, taking a sip, blinking once, and reverting back to a smile beaming so sweetly. “Then now I’ll know exactly who to look for...”

Was it normal to feel a shiver shooting up my spine? If so, is it also normal to wanna check my bedroom closet for Mrs. Collins every night from hereafter? Someone please say yes. I need the comfort.

“Oh...” those piercing eyes of hers shifted away, springing herself quickly upwards at the faint sound of footsteps approaching. “Seems they’re back. That was long.”

Hearing the rattle and click of the front door opening was a godsend, a kindly mercy that I never realized existed in life. It was like a clear nose after a runny cold, or a loud cathartic achoo of that one bastard sneeze that would always escape you.

I’m rambling now, point being though-seeing Mr. Collins walking in through the doorway in his usual mannerly strut felt like just that?a sneeze I let out after having it plague me for a time too long.

Mrs. Collins was a dreadful sneeze indeed.

“Sorry we took so long,” Mr. Collins spoke, kissing his darling wife around the cheeks as she strolled on over to welcome her loving husband back. “Christmas traffic, Christmas hauls, a lot of empty shelves, before we finally found one that still has a few in stock.”

“And a bottle extra to boot,” Mrs. Collins said, peering inside the wine bag he had handed over to her. “Remind me, who’s going to be driving us back home tonight?”

“One glass,” He reassured his wife. “I don’t plan on drinking much, not tonight. Now help me out with this.”

As they both headed off to the kitchen to prepare the drinks, in walked a blondish, haggard Amanda emerging from the distance, slowly shambling into the apartment with seemingly all the life drained out of her.

With disgruntled hazel eyes, she glanced over at Mr. Collins in all his poise and elegance. Then before I could even say a word, Amanda collapsed onto the couch and hard onto my lap where she stayed curled and unmoving, stuffing her face deep into my gut.

Seeing her exhaustion, and hearing her muffled sigh resounding struck a chord deep in my soul, and I knew immediately that it wasn’t the traffic and out-of-stocks stores weren’t the sole reasons for their tardiness.

“Ten, fifty, a hundred and one?” I gently began stroking her arm like she was a baby in a cradle. “How many did you have to answer?”

Slowly, Amanda turned to look at me... sharing the expressions and eyes like fellow survivors of the same traumatic incident.

“You too, huh?” She spoke, her voice low and sapper of all energy. “What did she ask you?”

“This and that,” I answered. “What did he ask you?”

“This...” She spun around again, her breathy sigh warm against my stomach. “...and that.”

Poor Amanda.

“You, on the couch.”

I nearly snapped my neck, my eyes whirling around backwards to find Mr. Collins still with that rigid stare exclusively for me. In his large hands, he twisted the cap off a brand new bottle, pouring a violent gush of deep red into two glasses laid out on the table.

One for him, and one for... his wife, right? It’s for his wife. The two of them can just enjoy their drinks, while Amanda and I just rest here. Win-win for everyone.

Please, Mrs. Collins... take the damn glass.

Eventually, inevitably, Mr. Collins tipped the bottle back up, twisted the cap back on, and with unblinking never once straying from mine, he slowly slid one of the glasses over towards me.

“Well, I assume you’re not going to make me walk over there, are you?” He said. a smiling, knowing, Mrs. Collins slipping away from the scene. “Come, drink with me.”