世界上最不安全的人

Chapter 222 - Two Hundred And Twenty-two: Goodbye My Love

Niklaus\' point of view

"I know I failed you and I\'m not worthy to stand before you and say these words but hell, it\'s killing me inside and if I don\'t say it out, I think I would regret this for the rest of my life.

"I wish things didn\'t turn out this way but there are some things that are uncontrollable in life and it pains me a lot to know that upon all the money and power I have, I still couldn\'t save you nor our child.

"Little Coco must really hate me- yeah, that\'s the name I came up with for our child. I kind of derived it from coconut since I was planning on feeding you lots of that during the entirety of your pregnancy. Funny, isn\'t it?

"Honestly, I\'m not prepared for this shit. I never imagined that I would be standing here on a bright day like today to say goodbye. I\'ve always envisioned that we would get married before our first baby comes into this world and be the best parents ever. Then you would eventually give me five or six kids afterward, that is if you were up for it since I have enough money to give them a better life. But now, I would never see you nor the kids, it\'s so unfair, Maya.

"You know? I was afraid of being a father. I was afraid that I would fail at parenthood just like I did with Isabella. But when you told me that I was going to be a father? Honestly, I was scared at first but when I realized it was going to be our child, I looked forward to it. I couldn\'t wait for Coco to come into this world that I even became a godfather to this child, Neon - I wanted to genuinely know what fatherhood felt like once again.

"I\'m here to say good-bye but somehow this still feels like a dream to me. You left suddenly, without warning just like lightning. I asked you to wait for me to return...I asked you to wait for me so I could make things better and you promised yet couldn\'t keep it. I wanted to forever make up for all the suffering you went through but I guess it\'s impossible now.

"Remember the first time we met? The truth is that I fell for you at that moment even though it took me so damn long to realize it. You were just so damned stubborn yet cute and different from the other girls I knew and met. Perhaps my heart unconsciously recognized you were the one for me which was I stubbornly held onto you during the nanny bid and I don\'t regret spending that much for you.

"Remember the first time I introduced the marriage proposal? I was just spineless to admit that I wanted you in my life. I was afraid to admit that I loved you yet was scared to lose you too. That day you told me you loved me? That\'s the best memory I ever had with you and yes, I didn\'t give you a concrete reply as usual. I\'ve come to a startling realization lately, I\'ve been a coward all through my life.

"Remember that day I broke up with you? That was the hardest day of my life. I deceived myself into thinking that I would be alright but it was hell and Isabella made sure of it. You know, amid the pain, I love that you made me feel that way.? At Least, there would come a time when I would look back and remember that there was one special woman who made me believe in love once again.

"I would remember that there was a tigress who could scald me with just a fierce look. I would remember that there was this woman I was willing to lay down my life for. I would remember that there was this wonderful lady who solved my commitment issues. I would forever remember that I loved someone like you.

"To be truthful, I\'m not going to live well. I don\'t know if I would ever recover from your sudden departure which has caused a deep scar in our hearts. Right now, I feel so overwhelmed that I just want to give up. I have asked so many questions- even to God- why you had to leave so quickly but the memories of us is what\'s pulling me through - though choking me at the same time.

"I would try to live, no, I\'m going to leave for my sake and Isabella\'s sake, because I know that\'s what you\'d want me to do if you were here. You rescued a lost cause like me so that\'s the least I can do for you, Maya. There would be no more playing or breaking hearts knowing that would dishonor the precious memory I had with you.

You would forever be in my heart, Maya and I don\'t regret ever knowing you. Even in our next, I wish to fall for you alone. Take care of coco. Good-bye, till we meet again, my love"

Done with my speech that had everyone in an outburst of tears, I placed the beautifully crafted gold urn sculptured with Maya\'s face in one of the niches on the columbarium wall.

After Maya\'s body was cremated, instead of spreading her ashes across the sea or park, I decided to retain it, preferring to store the cremation urn permanently in a columbarium which was located in the lower level of this cathedral.

I needed a place that I could come and visit to remember and memorize Maya, having heard from my therapist that it would aid the healing process of recovering from the loss.

I didn\'t want a burial, I didn\'t need hypocrites coming to lay flowers on her casket nor shed fake tears.

The only people in attendance at this significant event was my daughter Isabella, Emily, Cecil and her kid Pedro, Eden and his daughter Anabelle, her manager Camille and her fellow actress Lisa who had gone on that show with her and surprisingly, her parents, Angela and Alfred.

I contemplated denying her disgusting parents entrance but decided against it, I didn\'t want to ruin this important day. Moreover, Mata was stubborn yet weak-hearted, she would have loved to see them nevertheless - her mom to be specific.

Amid the crying, each and everyone one of them began to personalize the niche by dropping items such as photographs, mementos, flowers, necklaces, and so many others.

Everyone began to leave one after the other after making short speeches until it was just Isabella and me.

"Let\'s go, Isabella," I tapped her on the shoulder but she kept staring at Maya\'s photos.

"I know it\'s hard but we\'re going to get through this, together. Also, I have something at home for you," I enticed her.

Thankfully, Isabella has not attempted any suicidal stunt lately but she hasn\'t fully recovered either. She reacts a bit to conversations now, that\'s all.

Isabella followed me home without complaint which was totally different from her argumentative personality formerly. To be frank, I missed her old self.

When we arrived home and got into the living room, Isabella didn\'t say a word but I knew the way her eyes darted around that she was searching for the surprise I had installed for her.

"Stay here," I told her and went upstairs, only to return with little Neon in my arms.

"Here, Isabella, I want you to meet Neon, my Godchild," I lowered the baby so she could take a good glance at him.

"I know this is not going to make up for the loss of Maya nor be her? replacement but Isabella, would you be a godsister to Neon?" I asked with a hint of anxiety.

Her therapist had suggested giving Isabella an intriguing responsibility that would take her mind off the loss. And this was the only idea I could think of in making Isabella human again.

Isabella regarded Neon who was bundled in thick clothes - almost looking like a little mummy- from his head to his feet.

"He\'s ugly," She finally commented.

I let out a breath I didn\'t know I was holding in, Isabella acquiesced.

"Do you want to hold him?" I offered her, with a smile.

She nodded and I gave her the child, adjusting him properly in her arms to my surprise.

"What an ugly thing," She pouted, rocking him gently while Neon smiled up at her, babbling saliva and all.

"He\'s a living thing," I pointed out yet had never been so happy at her choice of words.

"Who cares," she rolled her eyes which were more like the Isabella I knew.

"Since I\'m the godsister, does that mean he would live with us and I get to train him?" She asked, letting the child captivated by her hair to play with it.

"If you want to, he could live with us but I\'ll be the one doing the training," I cleared her and as a matter of fact, was already visualizing her definition of training.

"I\'ll be the one spending much time with him anyway, I\'m game," she agreed, already fascinated by the little boy.

"Isabella, meet Jennifer, Neon\'s mother," I introduced the woman who was intent on hiding away from Isabella.

"Hi, I\'m Jennifer," the shy woman finally came out of her hiding spot, extending her hand for a handshake.

Isabella lowered her head, motioning that she was carrying a baby, her baby, so unable to shake hands with her.

But she introduced herself notwithstanding, "Hi, I\'m Isabella and I pray we get along,"

A grin curved my lips, Isabella was back.