BXBX NOVEL Chapter 280 279: Somber Questions
My list was surprisingly short, and consisted of mostly the same question over and over and fucking over again.
Why did we not have more help?
I knew the answer to that though, and it only infuriated me more.
Our \'help\' was Nirinia, but the Sariel\'s had planned for that quite easily.
Not well, but they made a solid attempt.
Leone had told me about what Nirinia had done, since she had watched it in awe.
In mere moments, the woman overdrafted her core and flooded her body with raw mana, amplifying her physical abilities by double, if not nearly triple their normal capabilities, allowing her to out speed a man renowned for his speed.
It was like given a Salamander wings and enlarging its flame sac; at that point, the thing is a Dragon, not a Salamander.
Nirinia went from a Pseudo-Knight to a full fledged Knight in that moment, and it showed by how swiftly she dispatched her opponents before focusing on what was important...
To her, anyways.
I wanted to blame her, to yell and scream at her for not doing her job, but...
I knew that was a childish, idiotic, petulant tantrum lashing out at a woman who, in all honesty, did all she could given the situation.
Something we all did given the situation.
I couldn\'t have easily dispatched Matilda without risking too much against her; clumsy or unrefined as she was, the woman had the power to kill me, and one small mistake was all I needed.
In order to win that fight, I needed to drain her energy before going in for the kill; playing to my racial advantages was a smart move, and one that I wouldn\'t change now, not when it could result in worse situations.
Leone did what I ordered her and Kat to do; keep the Lioness alive and well so that Nirinia remained sane and in the fight.
If the Sariel\'s had instead tried to ambush us with a surprise force, we would need the Djinn to counteract that ambush; there is no way we manage to ward off both the Westerners and a traitorous force otherwise.
As for Anput...
Glancing at the downcast Jackalkin, I felt another swell of petulant anger in my heart, further darkening it.
She was the only one out of us who could have made a difference, who could have tried and saved Kat without risking the entirety of the Legion.
The gap could have been defended without her, as long as she left some cover for our soldiers to use, they could have slowly kept the Westerners at bay, giving her a few moments to go and help Kat.
I wanted to lash out and berate her for her inaction, but I reeled in my unwarranted emotions, knowing fully well that Anput understood that more than the rest of us ever could.
She was dealing with her own grief and anguish right now, and I felt my heart further cracking as I saw her obsidian eyes filled with sorrow.
Taking a deep breath, I turned my gaze towards the window, focusing instead on what I needed to do when I returned to the Capital.
I needed a structure in my life now, to guarantee there were less moments left alone with my morbid thoughts; less time left listening to the whispers that blamed me for Kat\'s disappearance.
When we reached the Capital, first on the agenda was delivering Adelina to a healer of some kind, getting her patched up and ready for a return to the West.
Whilst she was getting healed, I would send a letter out to Mom, getting her to come to the Capital as quickly as she could...
Preferably...
Preferably alone.
I... couldn\'t fathom having to tell Miss Julie that I had, once again, failed her and her daughter.
That yet again Kat was in an unknown state, alone and hurt.
Clenching my fist, I shuddered slightly at that thought, the Dogkin\'s void blue eyes drilling into my soul frightening me.
I was, again, to blame for putting Kat in harms way, and no words could ever fix the shattering of trust between us.
Which is why I needed to take action.
When Mom arrived at the Capital, we were making our way to the Sariel\'s and burning it to the ground, before I would torture and interrogate Jillian and Ayla for any potential ideas on where Kat may have been sent.
If they had nothing, then I would begin to search on my own if I had to, to comb this world for whatever trace I could of Kat.
My heart ached more at the reminded that she was gone.
The familiar tart scent of the woman was absent from the carriage, as was her bored humming or warm touch as she leaned on me.
Instead, the air was still and smelt of nothing; the sounds were dull and muffled; my body was cold.
If Jillian and Ayla couldn\'t give me a single hint, a single clue, I was going to rend them limb from limb, all whilst keeping them alive and restrained with magic.
Whatever torture I could think of, I would employ on the two Elves who dared to lust after what was mine, who tore that very part of my soul away.
The Sariel\'s and Kameiel\'s would fall, that there was no doubt.
After they fell though, that was where everything turned murky.
I would like to believe Mom would agree with my sentiments to by the Legion and begin reconsolidating our power and putting it on display, but there was no guarantee.
I would like to think that the Nobility would accept the distraction that war would have on the populace and use it to divert the publics attention away from the traitorous Elven Houses that plotted with our enemies.
I would like to think that the Empress would sanction this war for the reason of learning what that monster was that opened a Gate inside Tragon and wiped it out, so that we could learn more about it and better prepare for it to strike, should it strike.
These were all things I hoped would happen, things I wanted to happen.
I believed they would, as each is, to me, simply too good to refuse, but the world often likes to toss aside reasonable logic and instead replace it with nonsensical actions that simply baffled the mind.
For instance, two large Families throwing aside a stable, affluent life to instead betray their country and attack said country\'s shield.
That was nonsensical, and yet it happened.
Another example was to make all these intricate, detailed, complex plans to capture what, in the eyes of many, was just an insignificant maid.
Talented, beautiful, but \'insignificant\' maid.
That was how she wanted the world to view her, and that was indeed how it viewed her, but...
Now, it only further baffled me.
If the Crusade was approved, if we learnt more about this Gate monster, if I got my Legion...
All that was left was to search for Kat, to begin utilizing that same Legion to cast a wide net on gathering information as best I could, hoping to find a way to get her back to me as quickly as I could.
Otherwise, I feared that I would change, and not for the better; I would become something hideous to her...
I feared that, when, when we found Kat, she would be disgusted by the woman I had become, that she would despise what I had done.
That scared me so, so very much.