BXBX NOVEL Chapter 364 363: Confessions
Jahi PoV
"This chair is rather comfortable..."
Smiling softly, I lounged on the cushions of the large sofa chair as I continued to look out the window, enjoying the view of the night sky.
The stars were shining brilliantly above us, partially obscured by smoke from the slightly burning city, and I briefly wondered if these constellations were the same ones that she could see wherever she was...
Sighing, I closed my eyes and relaxed, clearing my mind for a bit and letting myself rest without sleeping.
For the moment, I wanted to remain awake, but I needed to relax for awhile.
No thinking, no worrying, just existing on this comfortable couch in a room filled with the scents of my fiancee\'s and complete silence.
I was brought back to the land of the conscious when someone plopped onto my lap, their warmth permeating my flesh as they rested their head against my chest.
That one weight was swiftly joined by another, and I opened my eyes and stared down at the two drowsy eyes that looked up at me.
Anput groaned as she nuzzled against my chest, while Leone sighed contentedly as she stretched, her muscles unwinding a little as she put her beautiful body on full display.
Draping my arms around their shoulders, I returned to looking outside the window, Leone following my gaze before murmuring "Why weren\'t you in bed with us..?"
Leaning down, I kissed the top of her head as I whispered back "I was thinking. Thinking about us, about her... What I needed to start working on, what we should work on, how I should do more for both of you..."
Anput yawned and stretched, only to collapse back onto my chest as she muttered "Good..." which made me chuckle.
Placing a kiss between her fluffy ears, I listened to her soft sigh as she curled up on my lap, her eyes closing as she drifted to sleep.
Leone smiled softly at that, before she turned to me and whispered "That is good, Jahi... So? What did you find with your thinking?"
Resting my head on Anput\'s, I stared into Leone\'s crimson eyes for a moment before saying "Quiet a bit. I need to open up more to you both, to stop taking you both for granted. I realized that playing to your kinks would help alleviate my urges, that I need to stop pushing the responsibility for my own actions off to someone else... With her gone, it\'s made me realize just how much she was doing for me, and I appreciate it, well and truly, but..."
"You want to move on, to take care of yourself on your own, not needing others to help you as much as they have been."
Nodding, I smiled at her as I added "I would still like to rely on you both - and her - with my problems, but I shouldn\'t need you to solve them, to set me straight. That\'s what I realized from all of this..."
Reaching over, Leone stroked my cheek and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, before resting her head against my chest once more.
"Good... we can work from there together. Acknowledgment is the beginning of so much, Jahi, and it\'s not something easy to do on your own. For now though, let\'s rest. We continue on tomorrow morning, so we\'ll need all the energy we can get."
"Alright, love...Good night, sleep well..."
She smiled at me tiredly before yawning cutely, her eyelids drooping as she muttered "Good... night, lo..."
Seeing her drift off mid sentence made me smile, and I leaned back into the chair some more, getting comfortable before closing my eyes, deciding to take her advice for now.
~~~
Nirinia PoV
Wringing out my hands, I leaned against the wall as I waited besides the entrance to the Council Hall, my heart pounding in my chest as I stared at the ground.
I had somehow decided that the best course of action was to simply tell Adelina that I wanted to try again, so that I could get a sure fire answer here and now.
If she said yes, great!
We would be together again, and I could put my heart at ease.
If she said no, at least I ripped that bandage off swiftly and endured the pain now instead of letting the \'wound\' of love fester and swell further, to the point that it became something that changed me or prevented me from fighting as efficiently as I could.
It was going to hurt still if she said no, and I was... scared of her answer.
I didn\'t know what to do if she said no.
As much as I would like to say she would agree to my proposal to court her, I wasn\'t that sure.
Adelina wasn\'t a \'normal\' woman like that; she wasn\'t looking at me and wanting to be with me because of my status, wealth, beauty, or skill.
The others were, which gave me an avenue to pursue as I whittled them down before getting to where I wanted, but with her, none of that would work.
This was all new ground to me, and ground untrodden was frightening.
So, before I could psych myself out of confessing to her, I remained besides the door, trying my hardest to not run away and instead going over what I would say to her, trying to plan it out like it was a fight.
That was how I managed to keep my cool, but I still cursed myself as I felt like I was little more than a socially anxious brat fresh into the Academy, unsure of how to pursue my crush.
I\'d rather be facing an entire army of soldiers right now then being here, but...
Hearing the door open, I glanced over to see the Marquess walking out, her ruby eyes filled with boredom as she stretched.
"Oh, Nirinia. Where\'s Ja- Never mind, I can smell it on you. Well, don\'t be up to late. We depart a few hours after dawn."
Waving as she walked away, the Marquess approached the stairs and went to one of the upper floors, likely to claim a room for herself.
Lady Sker gave me nod as she exited next, followed by the Councilors as she escorted them towards their quarters, where they would be placed under surveillance.
The Centurions exited next, likely having joined in to receive their orders for the upcoming day, and each gave me a nod or a bow.
Finally, Adelina exited the room, her expression tired as she let out a sigh, only to sigh again as she turned to look at me.
My heart clenched slightly as she asked "What do you want, Nirinia? If it\'s not important, then please leave. I would like some rest."
Taking a deep breath, I pushed off of the wall and stared down at the golden Lioness, her eyes narrowed as she stared at me, waiting.
"Can we talk, Adelina? Just the two of us?"
"About?"
Her combative tone made me flinch, and I bit my cheek as I looked away, not liking my odds now.
However, I would rather deal with this now than later, so...
Looking around, I took another deep breath as I saw the empty halls before saying "About us, Adelina."
Her eyes turned cold, and I flinched again as she growled "I said that if it wasn\'t important, then please leave. Why are you bothering now of all times, Nirinia? That flame dwindled down long ago."
Swallowing, I grit my teeth for a moment before replying "If we could rekindle that flame, then I would like to try, Adelina... Please, at least think it over..?"
Glaring at me, she scoffed as she said "Why? So that it can end the same way that it did before? With arguments and vitriol? Will you be able to abstain from sex like that, Nirinia? Or are you going to try and blame me for your inability to manage your own urges?"
Her words were sharp and cut deep, and I felt tired as I heard the beginning of the all to familiar argument that we once had.
"Adelina, I never blamed you for my shortcomings. I just didn\'t appreciate you not considering anything that I had to say on that matter! I didn\'t ask you for sex, nor did I try to... what was it, \'cheapen you\' like you used to say! I just wanted to find something that would work for us both!"
Scoffing again, she shook her head and began to walk away, saying "Work together!? You never once tried to see it from my side, Nirinia! Not once!"
"Adelina, please! If you would just explain your side and what it is that you don\'t want to do, I could at least understand it?! Why do you refuse to at least tell me what it is!?"
Turning around, she glared at me, her eyes heated as she growled "Explain it?! It\'s rather simple, Nirinia. Sex is a sacred act for my Family! It isn\'t something to be treated cheaply! You KNOW that, yet you push me to look for \'alternatives\'!?"
Remaining silent, I watched as she scoffed and turned back around, her long mane trailing behind her as she walked away, into the castles depths.
Clenching my fist, I sighed as I stood there, my heart aching so much worse than before I had come here.
"Oh fuck it... whatever. I tried, Lady D\'Arcon. I tried, but we\'re both too damn stubborn for our own good. So... sorry."
Feeling something wet roll down my cheek, I bit my lip as I turned around, anger beginning to boil inside of me.
"Damnit... Damnit it all. Who the fuck cares now..."
Stalking through the halls, I found an empty room and barred the door, collapsing on the bed.
"Fuck this is so annoying... Stabbed, shot, burnt, broken, bruised... all of that amounts to little in front of this..."
My breathing hitched in my throat, and I felt more tears pool into my eyes.
Digging my nails into my palms, I held them back as I lay there, waiting for dawn.
"Why..?"