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Chapter 809: The Burden Of Death

Tsubaki took a deep breath, steadying herself. She felt as if she understood why Irena had sent her here. Whether or not Irena knew the full situation was another matter entirely. She didn’t let me use the power of Death for anything other than detection. Think of the meaning behind that. Am I not ready, or is there a deeper lesson?

As she wondered that, her nine tails began to shine brighter and brighter, as if to counteract the pain that she felt with every death. Her heart felt as if it were being ripped to shreds, yet her light burned brighter than ever. It’s so easy to end a life. Thousands of creatures are being slaughtered effortlessly beneath my feet. But they all feel this pain… is that why?

Tsubaki lifted one shaking hand, gathering the light from her tails to a fine point at the tip of her finger. Death is everywhere, I can feel it. It’s not just in those that are dying, but also in those that kill. Expand my senses to those who seek to bring death.

The moment Tsubaki thought that, her death perception seemed to shift. Like a ripple in a pond, the sense of death spread out. Every monster beneath her feet, whether actively killing a monster or still waiting to be born, all were projected in this new sense. However, what caused her to shake the most was not the horrors she was witnessing below.

Instead, it was that her own body shone the brightest in this sense. The death that she was bringing far outstripped what the monsters below were hoping to achieve. They sought to sate their hunger, while she aimed for the genocide of their entire species. The death that she was attempting to unleash was magnitudes greater, and she knew that. But still, seeing it was another matter entirely.

Even so, she steeled her heart. I can’t turn away from this. She thought to herself, the first beam of light shooting from the sphere gathered at her fingertip like a bullet. It dug into the ground, piercing through three of the creatures silently. In order to aid in her attacks, she was mixing in the Stealth domain, but that would only cover her tracks so much.

Within a moment, there was an uproar in the rapidly growing hive below. New bodies were found again and again, and Tsubaki could see them being dragged towards the hive’s queen, as if she would even eat her own kin. Others, the clear soldiers of the groups, began digging up through the tiny holes left by her beams of light.

The first three were only a test to see how it felt. Being connected to the deaths of everything in her perception meant that she even felt the pain of those she killed. Smaller… a finer cut. She thought, the sphere of light shrinking further. She still felt the pain of her arms being severed.

At this point, the rays of light being shot out were too small to see with the naked eye. There was just the sound of something being cut, and then another monster would stop moving. There’s no such thing as a truly painless death, is there? That last moment, that last sensation stretches on for an eternity.

Tsubaki felt as if she were beginning to understand something important, even if it was something that she didn’t want to learn. All of the blood that she had spilled over the years, all of the lives she had seen extinguished, all of it flashed before her eyes once she realized what Irena was really after. I see…

The golden tails of the Goddess of Light shifted, ripples forming as they turned almost ashen. Nearby, Solara’s eyes went wide at the change, hastily retreating several paces while watching Tsubaki. The light at her fingertips began to expand outwards once again, but it was no longer a radiant sphere. Instead, it seemed more like a dull gray orb writhing above her.

“All at once, then.” She muttered to herself, channeling the power of her Light domain through her sensory perception. This was the same trick that she used when creating her divine relic, but she was now putting it into use in another way. Every monster below her was silently being marked, their presences tracked even as some attempted to scatter.

Tsubaki’s finger rotated in a circle, the sphere shifting to form a ring that rose higher into the air. Bracing herself, Tsubaki took a deep breath, lowering her finger to the ground. Immediately, the ring seemed to vanish into nothing, though Tsubaki clenched her fists harder for several long seconds as her body trembled. Reduce the range, lower the sensitivity.

Solara wasn’t able to see what had happened, but a part of her knew. The token in her pocket shattered, confirming her suspicions as she saw the ground littered with finger-thick holes. The ring hadn’t vanished, it had shot out too fast for her to witness. Given the fact that the token was spent, it seemed as if the crisis had been resolved in this area.

“Thank you for your assistance, Lady Tsubaki.” Solara said with another respectful bow, though Tsubaki didn’t even turn her shoulder. From start to finish, she had kept her words short, though the pained expression on her face did not escape Solara’s notice. Instead, she watched the Keeper’s Servant tear open a portal before silently stepping through.

On the other side of the portal, Irena sat within the training room that they had been using previously. Her legs were crossed, hands in her lap while her wings were brought in close. “So, how did you feel?”

“It… hurt.” Tsubaki answered honestly. “I didn’t expect it to hurt that much.” As someone that had already technically died once, she had long forgotten the fear of death innate to all living beings. Now, having experienced death on such a scale, each one registering in her perception as her own, something felt different.

“Good.” Irena nodded her head in satisfaction. “There’s hope for you, yet.”

“You wanted me to feel this way?” Tsubaki asked in confusion, not sure why Irena would want that. “Will this not slow me down when I am executing the Keeper’s will?”

“On the contrary, I believe it will make your resolve more firm than ever.” Irena retorted. “The weight of a death can be measured in many ways. How did the individual live? What results will their death have on their surroundings? All of these need to be considered when truly judging a death. A powerful criminal who brutalizes those within his domain is killed, causing the people to rejoice. However, there were other criminals afraid to act in his presence. Although their powers were lower, they were far more violent. Abuse turned into murder, the citizens plunged into an even worse fate than before.”

“You might believe that it is your responsibility to ensure the happiest path for Dale’s world. In that case, I can only say that you are being immature. However strong, however old, however wise you may be, you are but one person. It is not up to you to know the future. Your job is as it has always been, to serve as Dale’s sword and his shield, his servant within the mortal coil.”

Irena’s eyes were firm as she looked at Tsubaki. “At the same time, you are your own person, an identity that began forming the day that Dale gave you that name. Treasure that name, and the memories that have come because of it. Whenever you fight, you are so willing to put yourself in danger to see the success of your plan. But you never think about how others would feel when you are gone, do you?”

“Or are you assuming that Dale will give you the same treatment that he gave Leowynn and Scarlet?” She asked, to which Tsubaki’s face went pale. She had never believed herself to be worthy of something like that. “I didn’t think so. You don’t expect to continue, you just don’t regard your life as a high priority. Tell me… what would Dana think if you died?”

Tsubaki’s shoulders trembled at that. Normally, she’d be able to think about the question calmly, and come to a conclusion with logical thought. She knew that Dana would be upset, but she believed that she would move on over time. However, after what she had just felt, and recalling Dana’s history, that belief shattered in an instant. “She’d self-destruct.” Tsubaki answered after a long moment.

She could even see it now. If Dana learned that Tsubaki had died, if the Keeper didn’t give her the same treatment as Leowynn and Scarlet, Dana would spend a few days in disbelief. She wouldn’t want to accept it, and would constantly wait for Tsubaki to return.  After that, her disbelief would turn to dread, and her spirit would quite literally dissolve. Either she would become the worst of monsters, or her existence would be simply shattered.

“That’s right.” Irena said softly, standing from her seat and walking over to place a hand on Tsubaki’s shoulder. “She’s not the only one counting on you. That’s why, no matter what danger you face, you can never think of your death as an acceptable outcome to achieve victory. You must always seek to find a better way.”

“Bring Death to your enemies, so that you can spare your family from it. That is the Death I am imparting to you. I know that you have the strength to achieve it, though I do apologize for pushing you into the fire like that. I believed it to be the best way to temper yourself, and to realize with your own heart what I was trying to teach you.”

Tsubaki nodded her head, taking a slow breath. “I understand, Lady Irena. And, thank you… if not for you, I may have made a terrible mistake one day. Though, out of curiosity…?” She glanced up, an almost innocent expression on her face as she met Irena’s eyes, causing the Goddess of Death to let out a light laugh.

“Dale would never accept your death any more than he did his own daughter’s, nor would we let him. But that does not change my point. You hold a special place in this world as the mortal closest to the Keeper. If you were to ascend to our home, that special position would be given away. Or, do you think that Dana would make a better Servant for Dale than you would?” She asked with a taunting smile.

“Next, condense the mana into the smallest shape you can manage.” Ryone said, standing near Dana and instructing her. “Once the mana has reached a sufficient density, you’ll be able to solidify it just like you would a block of refined mana.”

“Won’t that just cause the spell to activate?” Dana asked, her brow furrowed as she focused on reducing the size of the fourth-tier spell before her, gradually shrinking it while being careful to avoid altering the positioning of any of the lines.

“Not if you leave out the final bit of mana needed for the spell to activate.” Ryone shook her head. “If you do it right, you will be able to create the shell of a spell, one that you can carry around as small as a common marble. Then, when you need the spell, you use your mana to activate it. This way, you will have a ready-made fourth-tier spell that you can throw out at any time. Think of it like one of the scrolls you made back in the day, only more advanced.”

Dana nodded her head, focusing further. So far, she had never gotten a spell to shrink further than the size of her fist before it destabilized, but she was determined to master this technique. There were simply too many advantages to being able to carry spells of that level around on your body.

The spell she was working on had shrunken nearly to the side of her head, when suddenly a chill ran through her body. With her concentration broken for a brief moment, the spell in front of her shattered. “Did it suddenly get colder in here?” She asked, shuddering as she glanced around. Ryone shook her head with a small smile.

“No, that’s just Irena teasing Tsubaki.” Ryone answered, much to Dana’s confusion. “Now get back to work. You can’t claim to have reached the pinnacle of magic with only this much, can you?”

Dana let out a long sigh, shaking her head. “Of course, Lady Ryone…”