BXBX NOVEL Volume 1, 3: The Grimoire Peacefully Smiles. "Forget_me_not."
Volume 1, Chapter 3: The Grimoire Peacefully Smiles. "Forget_me_not."
Part 1
He did not understand. He did not understand what she was saying.
While Kamijou lay collapsed and bloody on the road, looking up at Kanzaki, he thought he had imagined what he had heard because of the surprise. After all, it made no sense. Index was trying to escape to the Anglican Church while being chased by magicians. How could those magicians be from that very same Anglican Church?
“Have you ever heard of a perfect memory?” asked Kanzaki Kaori. Her voice was weak and she looked pained. At that moment, it was hard to believe she was one of the top 10 magicians in London. She looked like nothing more than an exhausted girl.
“Yes, that’s the true identity of her 103,000 grimoires, right?” Kamijou moved his split lips. “They’re all in her head. I find it hard to believe she can remember every single thing she sees even once, though. I mean, she’s an idiot. She just doesn’t look like that kind of genius.”
“...What does she look like to you?”
“Just a girl.”
Kanzaki looked more exhausted than surprised and said, “Do you think she could have escaped our pursuit for an entire year if she were ‘just a girl?’”
“...”
“Stiyl has his flames and I have my Nanasen and Yuisen. She is up against magicians who name their magic names, but she cannot rely on a supernatural power like you or magic like me. She can only run away.” Kanzaki gave a self-derisive smile. “And Stiyl and I are only two opponents. Not even I would last a month against the entire organization of Necessarius.”
That was true.
Kamijou finally learned the truth about Index. He was unable to escape for four days even with his Imagine Breaker that could smash the systems of God in a single strike. And yet, she...
“She is, without a doubt, a genius,” declared Kanzaki. “To the extent that using her ability in the wrong way could cause a disaster.[1] The reason why the higher ups in the church do not treat her normally is clear. They are afraid of her. Everyone is.”
“That may be.” Kamijou bit his bloody lip. “But she’s still human. She’s not a tool. I can’t... let you call her that...!”
“Yes.” Kanzaki nodded. “But her current traits are not that different from normal people like us.”
“...?”
“Over 85 percent of Index’s brain is filled with the 103,000 grimoires. The remaining 15 percent is just barely managing to function enough for her to be the same as us.”
That was amazing and all, but there was something Kamijou wanted to know first.
“...So what? What are you people doing? You’re part of the same church as Index, right? That Necessarius thing. Why are you chasing her around? Why was Index saying you were evil magicians from a magic cabal?” Kamijou silently clenched his back teeth. “Or are you trying to say Index was the one tricking me?”
He could not believe that. If she were simply trying to use Kamijou, he saw no reason why she would have risked her life and gotten her back sliced open to save him. And, even without the logical reasoning, he simply did not want to believe it.
“...She was not lying,” replied Kanzaki Kaori after slight hesitation.
She sounded like she was holding her breath while her heart was being crushed. “She remembers nothing. She remembers neither our Necessarius affiliation nor the reason for her being chased. Because she does not remember, she has to use her knowledge to fill in the gaps. It is only natural to assume magicians chasing the Index Librorum Prohibitorum are from a magic cabal after her 103,000 grimoires.”
Kamijou recalled something: Index had lost her memories from before about a year ago.
“But, wait. Wait a second. That doesn’t make sense. Index has a perfect memory, right? So why did she forget? What made her lose her memories?”
“She did not lose them.” Kanzaki stopped even breathing. “Technically, I erased them.”
Kamijou had no need to even ask how.
Please do not make me give it, boy.
I do not want to give it ever again.
“...Why?” He asked instead. “Why!? I thought you were Index’s comrade! And that wasn’t just something Index thought, I can tell from your face! You saw Index as a precious comrade, didn’t you!? So why!?”
Kamijou recalled the smile Index had given him.
It was the other side of the loneliness that had led to him to be the only person in the world that she knew.
“...We had to do it.”
“Why!?” he shouted as if he were howling at the moon above his head.
“Because, otherwise, Index would have died.”
His breathing stopped. For no discernible reason, the heat of the midsummer night that he felt on his skin departed. All five of his senses grew thin like they were trying to escape reality.
It felt as if... It felt as if he were a corpse.
“Like I said, 85 percent of her brain is taken up by the memories of the 103,000 grimoires.” Kanzaki’s shoulders trembled slightly. “She only has the remaining 15 percent for normal use. If she continues to amass memories like a normal person, her brain will quickly burst.”
“No way...”
Denial. Rather than use logic or reason, Kamijou’s brain simply denied it.
“I mean... I mean... how could that be? You said she was the same as us with that 15 percent...”
“Yes, but she is different than us in one way. She has a perfect memory.” All feeling slowly left Kanzaki’s voice.
“Think back to what a perfect memory really is.”
“...It’s the ability to never forget anything you see even once, right?”
“And is the ability to forget really all that bad a thing?”
“...”
“The specifications of the human brain are surprisingly limited. The only reason a human brain can keep functioning for 100 years is because unneeded memories are disposed of by the process of forgetting. For example, you don’t remember what you ate for dinner a week ago, do you? Everyone’s brain undergoes this maintenance without them even realizing it. Otherwise, people would be unable to live. But,” Kanzaki said with an icy voice, “She cannot do this.”
“...”
“She cannot forget anything: be it the number of leaves on the trees lining the road, the faces of each and every person during a rush hour, or the shape of each and every raindrop falling from the sky. All of those pointless garbage memories fill up her mind in no time.” Kanzaki’s voice froze over. “Having only 15 percent of her brain leftover is a fatal tragedy for her. Since she cannot forget on her own, her only way to live is to get another to force her to forget.”
Kamijou’s mind shattered to pieces.
What... what kind of story is this? I thought this was the story of an uninteresting guy saving an unfortunate girl being chased by evil magicians, getting to know the girl, and finally feeling a slight twinge in his chest as he watches the girl leave in the end.
He continued to analyzed the disparities.
So I came to shelter her before anyone who would use them came to take her away.
I would like to take her into our care without having to give my magic name.
“...How long?” Kamijou asked.
Inquiring instead of denying, he seemingly accepted it somewhere deep down.
“How long until her brain bursts?”
“Her memories are erased at precise one year intervals.” Kanzaki sounded exhausted. “The limit is three days from now. It cannot be done too soon or too late. If not done at that exact time, her memories cannot be erased. ...I hope she has yet to experience the powerful headaches that precede it.”
Kamijou was shocked. It was true Index had said she had lost her memories from over about a year ago.
...And the headaches. Kamijou had assumed Index had collapsed due to the recovery magic. After all, Index knew the most about magic out of any of them and had said as much.
But, what if Index were mistaken? Kamijou considered.
What if she were moving around in a state where her mind could be destroyed at any moment?
“Now do you understand?” Kanzaki Kaori asked. She had no tears, as if refusing to allow herself to display such cheap expressions. “We wish her no harm. In fact, there is no way to save her without us. So, will you hand her over before I must give my magic name?”
“...”
As Index’s face appeared in Kamijou’s mind’s eye, he gritted his teeth and clenched his eyes shut.
“Also, if we erase her memories she will not remember you. You saw how she viewed us, did you not? No matter how she feels about you now, once she opens her eyes, you will be seen as nothing more than a natural enemy after her 103,000 grimoires.”
“...”
At that instant, Kamijou felt something was strange.
“Saving her will gain you nothing.”
“...What do you mean by that?” The feeling exploded out in an instant like gasoline thrown on fire. “To hell with that! What does remembering me have to do with it!? You don’t seem to get it, so let me tell you something. I’m Index’s comrade. I decided to stay on her side no matter what happens! Even if it isn’t written in your precious bible, this will never change!!”
“...”
“I thought something was off. If she only forgot, couldn’t you just get rid of the misunderstandings by explaining it all to her? Why did you leave it at the status quo? Why did you chase her around like her enemy!? Why the hell did you just decide to abandon her!? Do you have any idea how she fee-...”
“Shut up! You know nothing!!”
Kamijou’s anger was crushed by Kanzaki’s yell, assaulting him from above. What seemed to squeeze at Kamijou’s heart were, rather than the words she spoke, the raw feelings that were stripped bare.
“Don’t act like you understand!! How do you think we’ve felt erasing her feelings all this time!? How could you possibly understand!? You spoke like Stiyl was some kind of sadistic murderer, but do you know how he felt seeing her with you!? Do you know how he suffered!? Do you know how hard it was for him to name himself her enemy!? What do you understand about Stiyl’s feelings as he continued to sully himself for the sake of his precious comrade!?”
“Wha-...?”
Before he could raise his voice in shock at her sudden change of behavior, Kanzaki kicked his side like a soccer ball. The unrestrained strike sent Kamijou’s body into the air. After landing, he rolled two or three meters further.
The taste of blood overflowed from his stomach up into his mouth.
However, Kanzaki jumped straight up, the moon at her back, before Kamijou could even writhe about in intense pain.
Like some kind of joke, she jumped three meters up into the air with just the strength of her legs.
“...!?”
He heard a dull noise. The flat tip of Shichiten Shichitou’s scabbard had crushed Kamijou’s arm like high heels.
But, he failed to even cry out in pain. The expression on Kanzaki’s face made it seem like she would shed tears of blood.
Kamijou feared.
He was not afraid of Nanasen or Yuisen or of the power of one the top 10 magicians in London. He feared the raw human emotions that assaulted him.
“We tried too! We tried everything we could! We spent spring trying, we spent summer trying, we spent fall trying, and we spent winter trying! We promised to make memories that she would never forget and we made journals and photo albums!”
The end of the scabbard rained down again and again like a sewing machine.
His legs, his arms, his gut, his chest, his face. The blunt blows crushed his body again and again.
“...But none of them worked.”
Kamijou heard the sound of her gritting teeth. Her hand stopped.
“Even when we showed her the journals and the photo albums, she just apologized. No matter what we did and no matter how many times we tried, even if we remade the memories from scratch, nothing worked. Everything returned to zero whether you were family, her friend, or her lover.” She trembled so much that it seemed she could not take another step. “We... could stand it no longer. We could not bear to see that smile of hers any longer.”
With Index’s personality, having to say farewell must have been as painful as dying. Having to experience such a thing over and over again would be like living in hell.
Immediately after experiencing the misfortune that was the farewell, she would forget it all and tragically begin a run toward that same determined misfortune once more.
That was why Kanzaki and Stiyl had chosen to lessen the misfortune as much as possible rather than give her the cruel fortune of knowing them. If Index never had the precious memories she had to lose, then the shock of losing her memories would lessen. That was why they abandoned their good friend and played the part of an enemy.
They would blot out her memories to make that final hell as easy as possible for her.
“...”
Somehow or other, Kamijou understood.
They were expert magicians. They made the impossible possible. The entire time Index repeatedly lost her memories, they had to have searched for a way to keep her from losing her memories.
They never succeeded.
Even then, Index had certainly never blamed Stiyl or Kanzaki.
She had surely given them that same smile like usual.
Being forced to connect with her anew each time had led Kanzaki and Stiyl to blame themselves and see giving up as the only option.
But that was...
“To hell with that!” Kamijou gritted his teeth. “That reasoning only takes you into account. You didn’t give even a single thought about Index! Don’t blame your cowardice on her!!”
For the past year, Index had continued to flee on her own without relying on anyone. Kamijou refused to accept that that was the best option. He would not let himself accept it. He did not want to.
“Then... what else are we supposed to do!?”
Kanzaki grabbed Shichiten Shichitou’s scabbard and swung it down forcefully at Kamijou’s face.
Kamijou moved his battered right hand and grabbed the scabbard just before it struck his face.
No longer did he feel fear or nervousness because of the magician.
His body moved. It moved!
“If you were a little stronger...” Kamijou gritted his teeth. “If you had used fox words powerful enough to become reality...! If she were afraid of losing her memories of that year, you just have to give her even better memories the next year! If happiness, great enough to erase her fears of memory loss, awaited her, she wouldn’t have to keep running! That’s all it would have taken!!”
He forcibly moved his left arm, now with a broken shoulder, and grabbed the scabbard with that hand too. He forced his battered body into a standing position. Blood flowed from various parts of his body.
“Are you seriously thinking of fighting in that state?”
“...Shut... up.”
“What will you gain by fighting?” Kanzaki seemed legitimately confused. “Even if you did defeat me, Necessarius awaits behind me. I may have said I was one of the top 10 magicians in London, but there are those stronger than me. ...From the church’s point of view, I am nothing more than a subordinate sent out to this Far East island nation.”
It was likely true.
If they were truly Index’s comrades, they would have opposed the church’s way of treating her like a tool. The fact that they did not meant that there was a gap of power preventing it.
“I said... shut up!!”
It did not matter. He forced his body to move despite the fact it trembled as if he were about to die and glared at Kanzaki standing before him.
It was a simple gaze that held little power but was enough to make one of the top 10 magicians in London take a step back.
“That doesn’t matter! Do you resign yourself to protecting people because you happen have strength!?” Kamijou took a step forward with his battered legs. “No, you don’t, do you!? Don’t lie! You worked to gain power because there was something you wanted to protect!”
He grabbed Kanzaki’s collar with his battered left hand.
“Why did you acquire power?”
He made a bloody fist with his battered right hand.
“Who did you want to protect!?”
Using that weak fist, he struck Kanzaki’s face. There lacked anything remotely resembling force behind the punch and the fist itself actually spurted blood like a tomato.
Even so, Kanzaki stumbled back as if truly punched. She released Shichiten Shichitou which spiraled as it fell to the ground.
“Then what the hell are you doing here!?” He looked down on Kanzaki, who had collapsed to the ground. “If you have so much strength... if you have so much almighty power, then why are you so powerless?”
The ground shook, or so it seemed, under Kamijou. The next instant, he collapsed to the ground like the electricity powering his body had switched off.
Get... up... The counterattack... is coming... He reprimanded himself.
His vision was dyed in darkness.
Kamijou, forcibly moving his body, had lost too much blood to see or recover. He moved in an attempt to defend against Kanzaki’s counterattack but the best he could manage was move one fingertip like a caterpillar.
However, no counterattack came.
Nothing.
Part 2
The feverish heat and dryness in Kamijou’s throat awoke him.
“Touma?”
Around the time that he realized he was in Komoe-sensei’s apartment, he also realized Index was staring down at him as he lay in a futon.
Surprisingly, he saw bright sunlight coming in through the window. That night, Kamijou had indeed lost to Kanzaki and lost consciousness before his enemy. He had no memory between then and waking up there.
Simply put, he was too dissatisfied with what had happened to even be glad to be alive. Komoe-sensei was nowhere to be seen and must have been out somewhere.
The only sign of her was some porridge sitting on the tea table next to Index. It may have been unfair to Index, but he doubted she could have cooked it given that she had asked for food after getting caught on his balcony and assumed Komoe-sensei had made the porridge.
“Honestly... You’re treating me like I’m sick.” Kamijou tried to move. “Ow, ow. What the hell? Since the sun’s up, I must have been out all night. What time is it?”
“It wasn’t just all night,” replied Index, whose words seemed to catch a bit in her throat.
“?”
Kamijou raised an eyebrow and Index said, “It’s been three days.”
“Three days... Wait, what!? Why was I asleep for so long!?”
“I don’t know!!” Index suddenly shouted.
Kamijou’s breath caught in his throat at that shout that had seemed like a burst of anger.
“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know! I really didn’t know anything! I was so focused on losing the flame magician that was at your house that I never gave any thought to the possibility that you would have to fight another magician!”
Her angry words were not aimed at Kamijou. Her voice tore into herself and Kamijou was so overwhelmed he could not interject.
“Touma, Komoe said you were collapsed in the middle of the road. She was the one that carried you back to the apartment. I was so delighted back then. I had no idea you were on the verge of death while I did nothing but delight by the thought that we had gotten away from that stupid magician!”
Index’s words suddenly cut off. What followed was a slight gap just long enough for her to slowly breathe in and prepare for the main point of her rant.
“...I couldn’t save you, Touma.”
Unmoving and biting her lower lip, Index’s small shoulders trembled as she sat. Even so, Index shed no tears for herself.
Her heart would not allow even the slightest bit of sentiment or sympathy. Kamijou realized he could offer no words of consolation to someone who had sworn not to show any tears for even herself.
Instead, he considered something else.
Three days.
They could have attacked any number of times had they wanted to. In fact, it would have been unsurprising if they had retrieved Index three days ago when Kamijou had collapsed.
Then why? In his mind’s eye, Kamijou had a puzzled look. He could not tell what their enemy was thinking.
He also felt that the term “three days” held some deeper meaning. With the sensation of bugs swarming his back, Kamijou suddenly recalled something.
The time limit!
“? Touma, what is it?”
Index merely looked at Kamijou in puzzlement. If she knew him, the magicians had yet to erase her memories. Also, from how she was acting, the symptoms had not begun either.
Kamijou felt relieved but also wanted to kill himself for wasting the final, precious three days. However, he hid it all away in his chest, not wanting Index to know.
“...Damn it. I can’t move. What the hell? Why am I completely wrapped in bandages?”
“Does it hurt?”
“Does it hurt? If it did, I’d be writhing around. What’s with the bandages all over me? Don’t you think you went a bit overboard?”
“...”
Index said nothing and then tears welled up in her eyes as if she were unable to bear it any longer.
It stabbed into Kamijou’s heart more than anything she could have shouted at him. He then realized that not feeling any pain was actually a bad thing.
Komoe-sensei could not use recovery magic anymore. He was pretty sure Index had said that. It would have been faster if he could have healed his wounds at the cost of some MP like in an RPG, but it seemed the world was not that kind.
Kamijou looked at his right hand. His utterly destroyed right hand was wrapped in bandages.
“Come to think of it, an esper that’s been through the Curriculum can’t use magic, right? What a pain.”
“...Right. The pathways are different between a normal person and an esper,” said the girl in an unsure tone. “It does seem those bandages will heal the wound... but your science sure is inconvenient. Our magic would be faster.”
“That may be so, but I’ll be fine without using anything like magic.”
“...What do you mean by ‘anything like’?” Index pouted her lips grumpily at Kamijou’s comment. “Touma, do you still not believe in magic? You’re as stubborn as someone with unrequited love.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” Kamijou shook his head with it still pressed against the pillow. “If at all possible, I don’t want to see that face of yours when you talk about magic.”
Kamijou recalled the look on her face when she gave her explanation of rune magic in the passageway of his dorm. Her eyes were as cold as the pale full moon and as precise as the gears of a clock.
Her words were more proper than that of a bus tour guide’s and yet, lacking more humanity than a bank ATM. It was the existence known as Index Librorum Prohibitorum, the grimoire library.
Even so, he could not believe she was the same as the girl sitting before him. Or rather, he did not want to believe it.
“? Touma, do you dislike explanations?”
“Hah...? Wait, do you not remember? You were talking about runes in front of Stiyl like some kind of puppet. To be honest, I didn’t really like it.”
“...Um... Oh, I see. I... awakened again.”
“Awakened?”
The way she stated it had it seem as if that puppet-like form were her true self. It was like the kind girl before him was a fake form.
“Yes, but please don’t say too much about what I’m like when I awaken.”
Kamijou was unable to ask why. Before he could say anything, Index said, “Speaking when you aren’t conscious is something like talking in your sleep. It’s embarrassing. Also,” she said. “It seems I become more and more like a cold machine and that scares me.”
Index smiled.
She smiled as if she were actually about to collapse but wanted to avoid worrying anyone.
It was an expression that no machine could make.
It was the smile of a human being.
“...Sorry.” Kamijou simply apologized. He regretted thinking for even a moment that she was anything other than human.
“It’s fine, you idiot.” Her comment that made it unclear if it were fine or not was accompanied by a small smile.
“Are you hungry? We have porridge, fruit, and snacks, a full course staple for the sick.”
“How am I supposed to eat with my hand-...”
He trailed off when he realized Index held chopsticks in her right fist.
“...Um, Index-san?”
“Hm? It’s too late to start worrying about it now. If I didn’t feed you like this, you would have starved to death the past three days.”
“...Okay, fine. Just give me some time to think, God.”
“Why? Are you not hungry?” Index put down the chopsticks. “Do you need me to wash you?”
“... ... ... ...Um?” An indescribable feeling crept through Kamijou’s body.
Huh? What is this terribly bad feeling? What is this horrible uneasiness that’s making me think seeing a video of the past three days would make me die of embarrassment?
“...Okay, I doubt you meant any harm by it but just go sit over there, Index.”
“?” Index fell silent before saying, “But I am sitting down.”
“...”
Index surely had the best of intentions as she sat there with a towel but Kamijou found himself unable to attach the term “innocent” to it.
“What is it?”
“Oh...” Kamijou had fallen silent and now he tried to change the subject. “I was thinking about how you look from here in this futon.”
“Do I look weird? I am a nun; I can nurse people.”
He did not, in fact, believe she appeared odd. Her pure white nun’s habit and motherly behavior made her seem like an actual nun (a fact he insultingly found surprising).
And, more importantly...
The way she looked at him with those teary eyes and flushed cheeks from having cried, she seemed quite...
But for some reason, he just could not bear to speak that aloud, so instead he said, “Oh, it’s nothing. I noticed that your nose hairs are silver too, is all.”
“... ... ...”
Index’s smile instantly froze in place.
“Touma, Touma. Do you know what’s in my right hand?”
“Well, the porridge... No, wait! Don’t offer it to gravity!”
In the next instant, Kamijou Touma met the misfortune of having his vision filled with the white porridge and its bowl.
Part 3
Kamijou and Index learned firsthand that porridge was difficult to get out of futon and pajamas. Index battled with the goopy grains of rice with slight tears in her eyes when a knock at the door drew her attention.
“Is that Komoe?”
“...Are you not going to apologize?”
He had not been burned since the porridge had already cooled by the time it was dumped on him, but Kamijou had still once again passed out when the carbohydrates struck him because he had expected the porridge to be scorching hot.
“Huh? What are you doing in front of my house?” asked a voice on the other side of the door. It seemed Komoe-sensei had spotted whoever had knocked on the door as she returned from wherever she had been.
Then who is it? Kamijou thought with a puzzled look.
“Kamijou-chan, I’m not sure what’s going on, but it seems we have visitors.”
The door clicked open and Kamijou’s shoulders jumped in surprise. Standing behind Komoe-sensei were two familiar magicians. They had appeared somewhat relieved to see Index sitting like normal.
Kamijou frowned in suspicion. Naturally, with any thought at all, they were there to retrieve Index. However, they could have done retrieved her three days prior when Kamijou had collapsed. There was little reason for them to let her roam freely until the day of her “treatment”. Instead, they could have confined her somewhere until it was time.
...So why did they wait until now to come? Kamijou analyzed suspiciously.
His muscles naturally tensed up as he recalled the powers of the magicians’ flames and sword.
However, Kamijou no longer had reason to simply fight Stiyl and Kanzaki. They were not “Evil Magic Cabal Forces A”; they were from Index’s church to take her into their care. He worried for Index. In the end, he had nothing he could do but work with them and hand her over to the church.
But, that was simply from Kamijou’s point of view.
The magicians lacked any reason to cooperate with Kamijou. Simply put, there was no reason why they couldn’t just decapitate Kamijou right then and there and take Index away with them.
Stiyl seemed to enjoy the fact that Kamijou stiffened up upon seeing them, and he said, “Heh. It looks like we won’t have to worry about you escaping with those injuries.”
At that point, Kamijou finally realized what the “enemy” was trying to do.
On her own, Index could escape the magicians. After all, she had eluded the church for almost a year on her own. Even if they captured her and locked her up somewhere, she might be able to easily escape if she were alone.
With only a few days until the time limit, they might be unable to catch up to her again if she truly began to flee again. If they imprisoned her somewhere, she might escape and it was possible she could escape even in the middle of the ceremony.
However, the same could not be said if she were burdened with an injured person like Kamijou. That was why the magicians had not killed Kamijou and why they had allowed him to return to Index. They wanted Index to refuse to give up on him so that he would function as a convenient shackle.
They had overlooked him solely so that they could more safely and surely take Index into their care.
“Leave, magicians.”
And now, Index stood between the magicians and Kamijou.
She stood up and spread her arms. She somewhat looked like a sin-bearing cross.
It was all going exactly as the magicians had planned. Index gave up on escape because of the shackles that were Kamijou.
“...” Stiyl and Kanzaki both twitched slightly.
It was as if they could not bear to watch it despite how things progressed exactly as they expected.
Kamijou wondered what expression was on Index’s face. Her back was facing him, so he could not see but those great magicians froze in place. Komoe-sensei was not the direct target of her feelings, but she still averted her gaze.
Kamijou wondered what they felt.
He wondered how it must feel to be looked at like that by someone you would go so far as to kill for.
“...Stop, Index. They aren’t our enem-...”
“Leave!!”
Index was not listening.
“Please... I’ll go wherever you want and I’ll do whatever you want. Just please, I beg of you...” Senses of feminine cries were mixed in at the heart of the hostile tone she had worked up. “Just don’t hurt Touma anymore.” Just how much damage did that do to those magicians who had once been her greatest comrades?
For an instant —just an instant— extremely pained smiles appeared on the two magicians’ faces as if they had abandoned something.
But then, their eyes froze over like a switch was flipped.
These were not the gazes of people looking at their comrade; they were the chilling gazes of magicians, holding their convictions to lessen the misfortune of the parting as much as possible rather than give her the cruel fortune of getting to know them.
The gazes held their feelings for her that were so strong they chose to abandon their comradeship and become her enemy.
Their convictions would not be break.
Because they lacked the will to tell her the truth, they could only watch on as the worst possible scenario played out.
“The time limit will come in another 12 hours and 38 minutes,” announced Stiyl in the tone of a magician.
Index must not have understood what he meant by “the time limit”.
“We simply wanted to see if her shackles would function or not so that we don’t need to worry about her running off when the time comes. They were more effective than even we expected. If you don’t want to have that toy taken from you, give up any hope of escape. Understand?”
It had to be an act. They had to want to celebrate in tearful joy that Index was okay. They had to want to rub her head and place their forehead against hers to check her temperature. That was how important she was to them.
All of the horrible things Stiyl had said about Index were simply to perfect that act. He had to actually want to spread his own arms and act as Index’s shield and Kamijou could not imagine how much mental strength it would take to do what he was doing.
Index gave no response.
The two magicians said nothing more and merely left the room.
Why did it turn into this...? Kamijou lamented and gritted his teeth.
“Are you okay?”
Finally, Index lowered her raised arms and slowly turned back towards Kamijou. He instinctually closed his eyes, unable to bear to look.
He could not bear to look at Index’s face covered in tears and uplifted by relief.
“If I make a deal with them...” He heard a voice in the darkness. “I can keep your life from being destroyed anymore, Touma. I won’t let them intrude on your life anymore, so don’t worry.”
“...”
Kamijou could not respond. He merely thought in the darkness of his closed eyes.
...Can I let go of our memories together?
Part 4
Night came.
Index was asleep next to the futon. Because they had been asleep since before the sun had set, the room’s lights were not on.
It seemed Komoe-sensei had headed for the public bath leaving the two of them alone in the room.
Kamijou wasn’t entirely sure that was the case because he had fallen asleep as well due to his poor condition. It was nighttime by the time he had awakened. Komoe-sensei’s room had no clock so he knew not what time it was. The air felt especially cold as the term “time limit” crept into his mind.
Index must have been incredibly nervous the previous three days because she had fallen asleep, assaulted by weariness, with her mouth hanging open, looking like a child who had exhausted herself nursing her sick mother.
It seemed Index had completely abandoned her original goal of merely getting to an Anglican church. If Kamijou forced himself to stand up in his beaten up state in an attempt to take her to a church, she would probably have resist him.
He felt slightly embarrassed as she occasionally muttered his name in her sleep.
Index’s defenseless kitten-like face gave Kamijou a complex feeling.
No matter how much determination she showed, in the end, it was all going to end up exactly as the church desired. Whether Index made it safely to a church or was captured by the magicians partway there, she would still end up captured by Necessarius and have her memories erased.
Suddenly, the phone rang.
The phone in Komoe-sensei’s room was a black rotary phone that could have been called an antique. Kamijou slowly looked over at the phone giving off an old-fashioned ring that sounded like an alarm clock.
He felt that he should answer the phone but also did not know if it were right to answer Komoe-sensei’s phone without her permission. Nevertheless, he grabbed the receiver. He did not truly care so much about answering the phone but would feel guilty if the noisy ringing awoke Index.
“It’s me... You can tell who I am, right?”
The voice coming from the receiver was a polite, female voice. Even over the phone, he could tell she was trying to keep her voice soft as if speaking in secret.
“Kanzaki...?”
“No, it would be better if we did not learn each other’s names. Is she... Is Index there?”
“She’s asleep, but... Wait, how do you know this number?”
“We knew the address, so it wasn’t difficult to look up.” Kanzaki’s voice was not calm. “If she’s asleep, that’s perfect. Listen to what I have to say.”
“?” Kamijou frowned suspiciously.
“As I mentioned before, the time limit is tonight, midnight. We have put together a schedule to end everything by that time.”
Kamijou’s heart froze. He knew that there was no other way to save Index. He knew it but when the “end” was thrust before him like that, he felt cornered.
“But...” Kamijou’s breathing grew shallow. “Why are you telling me this? Just stop. If you tell me this, I might end up wanting to resist you even if it gets me killed.”
“...”The voice from the receiver fell silent.
It was not complete silence, though. He could hear suppressed breathing mixed in. It was a very human silence.
“...Then, do you need time for your farewells?”
“Wha—...?”
“I will be honest with you. When we first had to erase her memories, we spent the three days prior solely focused on creating memories. On the final night, we did nothing but cling to her, sobbing. I believe you have the right to that same opportunity.”
“Don’t fuck with me.” Kamijou thought he was going to crush the receiver in his grip. “That’s the same thing as giving up! You’re just telling me to give up the right to try!! You’re just telling me to give up the right to desperately challenge this!!”
“...”
“If you don’t understand, let me tell you one thing: I haven’t given up yet. In fact, I won’t be able to give up no matter what! If I fail 100 times, I’ll get back up 100 times. If I fail 1000 times, I’ll crawl to my feet 1000 times! That’s all there is to it! I’ll do what you couldn’t!!”
“This is neither a conversation nor a negotiation. It is merely a message and an order. Whatever you intend to do, we will recover her at the appointed time. If you try to stop us, we will destroy you.” The magician’s voice was as smooth as the voice of a bank receptionist.
“You might be trying to negotiate with me, counting on the human kindness left within me, but that is exactly why I am giving you this strict order.” Kanzaki’s voice was as cold as a Japanese sword drawn in the night’s air. “You will say farewell to her and leave before we arrive. Your role is nothing more than to act as shackles for her. The fate of chains that have lost their purpose is to be cut.”
The magician’s words were not simple words of hostility or scorn. She sounded as if she were trying to stop a wounded person from struggling and hurting themselves further.
“F... Fuck that.” Her tone strangely irritated Kamijou and he snapped back at her. “Everyone is shoving their own incompetences onto me. You two are magicians, right? I thought magicians made the impossible possible!? But look at you! Can you really do nothing about this with magic!? Can you really stand before Index and proudly tell her you tried every last option!?”
“...Nothing can be done about this with magic. I wouldn’t be proud of it, but I find it impossible to lie to that girl,” said Kanzaki as she gritted her teeth. “If we could do anything, we would have done it long ago. No one would want to use this cruel ultimatum if they did not have to.”
“...What?”
“It seems you cannot even give up if you do not understand the situation. I don’t think this is a good use of your last moments with her, but I will give you a helping hand of despair.” The magician spoke smoothly as if she were reading from the bible. “Her perfect memory is not a type of psychic power nor is it a type of magic. It is a natural part of her. It is the same as poor eyesight or allergies. It is not a type of curse that can be broken.”
“...”
“We are magicians. With any circumstances created by magic, there is a danger of it being dispelled by magic.”
“I thought it was an anti-occult defense system created by a magic specialist? Can’t you do something with Index’s 103,000 grimoires!? She said that controlling those would give you the power of God, but if it can’t even heal one girl’s head, it doesn’t sound so great to me!”
“Oh, you’re referring to a Magic God. The church is extremely afraid of Index rebelling. That is why they put a ‘collar’ on her so that the maintenance only the church can perform must be carried out once a year by erasing her memories. Did you really think they would leave any possibility of her removing that collar herself?” Kanzaki spoke quietly. “There is likely a bias in her 103,000 grimoires. For instance, she was probably disallowed from memorizing any grimoires that dealt with manipulating memories. I would be willing to bet that the church has put up some security like that.”
“God damn it,” Kamijou cursed under his breath. “...You said 80 percent of Index’s brain is taken up by the information in the 103,000 grimoires, right?”
“Yes. It is apparently actually 85 percent, but it is impossible for us magicians to destroy those grimoires. An Original grimoire cannot even be destroyed by an inquisitioner, after all, meaning that we can only hollow out the remaining 15 percent, her memories, to increase the empty space in her head.”
“...Then, what about us on the science side?”
“...”
She fell silent.
Kamijou wondered if it were possible. The magicians knew their field, magic, backward and forwards, and they could not do it. If they were not going to give up, it was only natural to move to a different field.
For example, there was science.
And, if they were going there, it made sense to have someone to act as an arbitrator. It was the same as having a local help someone out when one had to walk through an unfamiliar country and negotiate with various peoples.
“...There was a time when I believed the same thing.”
Kamijou had not expected her to say so.
“To be honest, I simply did not know what to do. The world of magic that I had believed in absolutely was unable to save a single girl. I understand the feeling of trying to grasp at straws.”
“...”
Kamijou had a premonition what would come next.
“It just does not feel right to hand her over to science.”
He had expected it, but actually hearing it still felt like being stabbed in the brain.
“I know that you people cannot do something that we cannot. Your crude methods of filling her body with some unknown drug and chopping her up with a scalpel will do nothing but unnecessarily shorten her life. I do not want to see her be violated by machines.”
“Okay, that’s it. How the hell can you say that when you’ve never even tried it? I have a question for you. You keep talking about destroying memories, but do you really know what memory loss is exactly?”
No response came.
She must really not know much about science, he thought.
Kamijou pulled some Curriculum textbooks that were on the ground towards himself with his foot. It was a recipe for powers development including a mix of neuroscience, rare psychology, and reactionary drugs.
“How can you talk on about a perfect memory and losing memories when you don’t even know what it is? There are many different kinds of memory loss.” He began to flip through the pages. “There’s aging... I guess like senility. And apparently you can lose your memories from getting drunk with alcohol. There’s a brain disease called Alzheimer’s and there’s TIA where blood stops flowing to your brain and your memories disappear. Memory loss is also a side effect of general anesthetics like halothane, isoflurane, and fentanyl, of derivatives of barbituric acid, and of drugs like benzodiazepine.”
“??? Benzo... What?”
Kanzaki’s voice was surprisingly weak, but Kamijou had no duty to explain it all to her, so he ignored her.
“Simply put, there are tons of ways to medically eliminate someone’s memories. It means that there are methods you people can’t use that can get rid of her 103,000 grimoires, you idiot.”
Kanzaki’s breathing froze.
However, these methods did not remove the memories. Instead, they damaged the brain cells. An old man with dementia could not remember more just because he lost some memories.
But, Kamijou left that part out. Even if it were just a bluff, he had to stop the magicians from forcibly erasing her memories.
“And, this is Academy City. There are plenty of espers that can manipulate people’s minds with powers like Psychometry or Marionette. Not to mention that there are research facilities all over the place. It’s way too soon to give up hope. Apparently, there’s even a Level 5 at Tokiwadai who can remove people’s memories just by touching them.”
That was where the last ray of hope truly lay.
No voice came from the receiver.
Kamijou continued on to truly defeat Kanzaki who was starting to show signs of hesitation.
“Well? What will you do, magician? Are you still going to get in my way? Are you going to give up on trying when someone’s life hangs in the balance?”
“...Those words are much too cheap to convince an enemy,” Kanzaki said with a slight tone of self derision. “We have a practiced and genuine method of saving her life. I cannot trust in this untested gamble of yours. Do you really think you can change that with some reckless statements?”
Kamijou remained silent for a moment.
He tried to come up with a rebuttal, but he could come up with nothing.
He had no choice but to accept it.
“...True enough. In the end, we just can’t understand each other.”
He had no choice but to accept that she was his enemy despite the fact that there was a possibly she could have understood. After all she was once in the same situation.
“Yes. If people who wished for the same thing would always become allies, the world would be completely filled with peace,” she said.
Kamijou’s grip on the receiver strengthened slightly.
That beaten up right hand was his sole weapon and it could negate even the systems created by God.
“...Then, you are my arch enemy and I will defeat you,” he said.
“Given the differences in our physical abilities, the result is immensely clear. Do you still intend to call this hand?”
“Perfect. I raise. I just have to invite you into circumstances where I’m guaranteed to win.”
Kamijou bared his canines at the receiver.
Stiyl had definitely not been weaker than Kamijou. Kamijou had only won because Stiyl had lost to the sprinkler system. In short, differences in strength could be made up with strategy.
“Just so you know: the next time that girl collapses, you should consider it too late.” Kanzaki’s words were as sharp as the tip of a sword. “We will be there at midnight. You don’t have much time left, but make your final useless struggles good ones.”
“You’re not gonna see me cry, magician. I’m gonna save her and steal all your scenes.”
“Stay there and wait for us,” she said and hung up.
Kamijou silently put down the receiver and looked up at the ceiling as if he were staring up at the moon in the night sky.
“Damn it!”
He swung his right fist down on the tatami mat as if punching an opponent he had pinned down. His wounded right hand did not hurt even in the slightest. His head was in such chaos that his pain was blown away.
He had acted quite full of himself on the phone, but he was neither a brain surgeon nor a professor of neuroscience. Something might have been capable if done scientifically, but that normal high school student had no idea what that something might have been.
Even so, he could not simply stop.
He felt an intense impatience and unease as if he were stranded in a desert with only the horizon in every direction and subsequently told to walk back to town.
Once the time limit came, the magicians would mercilessly destroy Index’s memories. They were likely already lying in wait near the apartment, planning to capture her if they tried to escape.
He had no idea why the magicians did not attack then and there. It could have been out of sympathy for Kamijou. Perhaps they did not want to move Index right before the time limit. He had no idea which it was or even if it were something else.
He looked at Index’s face as she lay curled up, asleep on the tatami mats.
He then stood tall, completely fired up.
Academy City had more than 1000 research facilities both large and small but a first year student like Kamijou had no connections with any of them. He was going to have to contact Komoe-sensei.
Whether anything could be done in less than a day was a valid question. Index’s time limit was drawing near, but Kamijou had a secret plan for it: if her brain were to burst if she continued to add more memories, couldn’t he buy her some time by putting her to sleep that so she would not gain more memories?
A Romeo and Juliet-like drug that put one in a state of apparent death sounded very unrealistic, but he did not have to go that far. Basically, he just had to put her to sleep with some laughing gas, a general anesthetic used for surgeries.
There were no worries about her dreaming while she slept, creating memories that way. Kamijou had learned a bit about the system of sleep in the powers development lessons. He was nearly sure that people only dreamed in a state of light sleep. Once one entered a state of deep sleep, your brain rested to the point that it even forgot that it had dreamed.
Therefore, Kamijou needed two things.
The first was to contact Komoe-sensei and acquire help from a research facility that dealt in either neuroscience or perhaps esper powers related to the mind.
The second was to slip past the magicians and get Index out of there or to create circumstances in which he could defeat the two magicians.
Kamijou decided to start with calling Komoe-sensei. But, when he thought about it, he did not actually know her cell number.
“Wow, I’m an idiot...” he said, almost wanting to kill himself, as he looked around the room.
He saw nothing out of the ordinary besides the cramped 4.5 tatami room that looked like an unknown type of labyrinth. With the lights off, the room was as dark as the night’s sea and the books and knocked over beer cans littering the floor appeared like they had something hiding behind them. When he thought about all the drawers in the dresser and cabinet, he felt like his consciousness was going to slip away.
Trying to find a cell phone number that may not even have been there seemed like an insane task. It seemed like a task akin to finding a battery thrown out the day before which was now in a landfill.
Even so, he could not stop. Kamijou started turning over everything in the area searching for a memo or something that would have her cell phone number written on it. Every minute and every second mattered, so searching for something that may have not been there was hardly a sane thing to be doing. Every time his heart beat, it irritated him and every time he breathed, more impatience burned within him. At first glance, it may have appeared like he was just throwing around everything near him in anger.
He checked deep into the cabinet and he pulled out all the books on the shelf. While Kamijou was rampaging around, Index continued to sleep curled up on the ground which made it seem like time had stopped for her.
Seeing her in her complete “cat in the kotatsu” mode, he strangely felt like hitting her but, at that same time, a scrap of paper stuck in a notebook, which seemed to be for a household account book, fluttered to the ground at his feet.
It was Komoe-sensei’s itemized cell phone bill.
Kamijou immediately grabbed the scrap of paper and found an 11 digit number written on it. It seemed she had spent an entire 142,500 yen on the cell phone the previous month. She must have gotten stuck with some terrible phone. Normally, he would have rolled around laughing for around three days at the discovery, but it was hardly the time. Needing to make a call, he headed for the black phone.
He had a feeling it had taken quite a bit of time finding the phone number.
He had no idea if a few hours had passed or if it had only been a few minutes. Kamijou’s heart felt so cornered that his sense of time was thrown off that much.
He called the number and Komoe-sensei answered after the third ring as if she had timed it.
About to foam at the mouth, Kamijou yelled an “explanation” that was hard for even him to understand because his mind simply could not sort out what he wanted to say.
“...Hm? My major is in Pyrokinesis, so I don’t have many connections in Mind Hound related things. You could probably use the Takizawa Institution or the Todai University Hospital, but their equipment is second-rate. Calling in a guest esper who excels at that field would be a safe bet. I know Yotsuba-san in Judgment is a Level 4 Telepath and she would likely be willing to help.”
He had not given her much of an explanation, but Komoe-sensei still rattled off an answer. Kamijou decidedly realized that he should have consulted with her from the beginning.
“But, Kamijou-chan. Even if these researching teachers are terrible people who’ve flipped day and night, they probably wouldn’t like being called by a student at this hour. How about we just prepare a bed in a facility for now?”
“What? ...No, sensei. I’m sorry, but this is urgent. Can’t we just wake them now?”
“But,” Komoe-sensei responded sounding slightly irritated, “It’s already 12.”
Kamijou suddenly froze in place. The room had no clock but even if it had one, Kamijou would have lacked the courage to check the time.
His gaze zeroed in on Index.
She was curled up, fast asleep on the tatami mats, but her arms and legs that were sprawled about weren’t moving. They weren’t moving at all.
“...In... dex?” Kamijou called out timidly.
Index did not move.
Like someone with a fever, she had fallen deeply asleep, completely unresponsive.
A voice came from the receiver but Kamijou dropped it before he could gather what was being said. A terrible sweat had started on his palms. A terrible feeling weighed in his gut as if a bowling ball were dropped there.
He heard footsteps in the passageway leading to the apartment.
“—We will be there at midnight. You don’t have much time left, but make your final useless struggles good ones.”
The instant Kamijou recalled those words the apartment door was kicked open from the outside. Pale moonlight fell into the room like the sunlight shining through the leaves into a forest thicket.
With the perfect full moon to their backs, the two magicians stood in the doorway.
At that moment, the hands of all clocks across Japan indicated it was precisely midnight.
That meant that a certain girl’s time limit was up.
That was what it meant.
Notes
1. ↑ Just like in the prologue, this is playing off the fact that “genius” and “disaster” are both pronounced the same in Japanese.