BXBX NOVEL Chapter 281
Chapter 281: Chapter 281
.
We squabbled for a while, then I called him, “Um, Eun Jiho.”
“Huh?”
Flaunting a grin, I continued, “If you’re afraid that I might disappear, and that’s why you can’t stay with me, I won’t be able to do anything to you.”
“…”
Eun Jiho’s eyes widened then subsided. While he directed those eyes on me, I kept on speaking at a slow pace.
“Neither I nor you can do anything about me disappearing.”
“Yeah, true…”
“But if you still don’t mind me vanishing away…”
Breathing out for a second, I uttered, “I’d like to stay next to you right now because today only comes once.”
“…”
“… That’s what Chun Young said to me.”
Holding the swing, Eun Jiho reeled after my remark. He then lifted his head to look in this direction. Blinking swiftly as if he felt dumbfounded, Eun Jiho soon asked back in an unusually loud voice.
“Really? Hey, don’t lie to me. Yoo Chun Young isn’t a good speaker to say those things.”
“I told you, he has changed.”
“Wasn’t he got possessed for a second?”
I burst into laughter. ‘How could they react so same?’ Having that thought in mind, I spoke loudly with a giggle.
“Dude, Ban Yeo Ryung also said the same as you. She was like, ‘That tongue just now doesn’t belong to the Yoo Chun Young I know,’ so Chun Young looked heartbroken at her remark.”
“Ban Yeo Ryung… she’s indeed a woman who spits words that pierce like swords…”
Agreeing enthusiastically with his response, I giggled out loud again.
We then laughed so hard until our stomach hurt. Feeling our intense belly, we both leaned on the swing ropes. I opened my mouth again.
“But what Chun Young said to me was exactly what I wanted to tell you. I wish I had a better memory.”
“What?”
I turned my head and smiled at him.
I continued, “Anyway, it’s good to prepare for the future, but don’t miss the time right now. Sometimes, be true to yourself and your feelings too.”
“… It feels different to hear that from you.”
“Oh, I’m really sorry about the things I’ve done before entering high school.”
A moment of silence returned between us.
Eun Jiho then asked me, ‘Should we go now?’ which made me take the boxes in my arms and get up from the swing. The playground we chilled just now was right in front of the apartment, but Eun Jiho kept on insisting that he would see me get back home, so he followed me stepping into the entrance.
Waiting for the elevator to arrive, I found him remaining wordless for quite a while, so I flung a question.
“What are you thinking?”
“Oh, just…”
Rubbing his chin, he continued, “I was thinking about the moments that might have changed if I behaved true to myself.”
“Hmm…”
“The moments when I ran away…”
His last voice sounded unusually low and heavy. Eun Jiho then suddenly changed the look on his face and replied with a slight shrug.
“Pondering about myself, yeah… maybe I’m a coward even more than you, Ham Donnie.”
“Come to think of it, didn’t you do that over here?”
Glancing around, I continued, “You said to me like I’ll give you ten seconds to cry… something like that.”
“Oh…”
“I became so speechless that my tears went back into my eyes.”
“Geez, how come you always bring up back something like that?”
While he grumbled, the elevator door opened with a clang. He then stepped inside and pressed the floor button familiarly.
“But I was also thinking about that thing too,” he said.
“What?”
“You…”
Eun Jiho’s gentle and low voice suddenly pierced through the quiet elevator that I turned my head to look at him.
Under the lighting, Eun Jiho’s eyes were darkly shaded. He then uttered in a throaty voice.
“You always make me think about those I should not.”
Flinching my hand for a second, I replied, “What happens when you think about them?”
“I would long for it.”
“Then if you long for it, what happens next?”
Eun Jiho didn’t smile. He just dropped his gaze at the floor then diverted his eyes back onto me.
He then replied, “I also wonder what it is.”
Putting the bottle of Macallan or Macmillan… whatever it is on the table, I also placed the bracelet gift box for my mom next to it and came back to my room. As soon I went inside, I opened the box of chocolate and took out a piece to enjoy then began to search for my career survey sheet.
After a while, I finally found the crumpled paper and spread it out on my desk to flatten it. Next, I took out my pencil to write a few things down but soon paused.
‘Hmm… if I suddenly declare that I want to build my career in fine arts, my parents will blame me for blurting out such things, which they never even seen and heard of from me until then. I should first talk to them about it before dropping it out.’
Rambling those thoughts, I soon came up with something that I forgot until now.
I opened my drawer and took out a phone that wasn’t mine, then I checked if there were any received messages or calls. When I found that there was nothing on the phone, I put it back into the drawer. ‘Maybe I’ll meet her at school tomorrow,’ even though I thought that way, I couldn’t help but feel uneasy about something that was weighing down a corner of my heart.
After all, there wasn’t a single message from Ruda throughout the rest of the summer break.
Wondering about if there was any way to reach out to her using the phone, I, eventually, grunted and collapsed on the bed again.
I was then lost in thought while looking up at the ceiling.
We all have our own door.
We can only go beyond the door by using each other’s hands. In that way, we get to know the things that we didn’t notice until now and learn about our true heart. And from this aspect, we realize new pain, new happiness, and new hope. No matter what the consequences are, we can never go back to the time before we opened the door.
I also have my door.
All the shrapnel of my feelings that I’ve been pressing down on for years will be there. All my sincerity, which I’m even afraid to face, will be there.
Clenching my fist, I promised myself, ‘I’ve finally decided to cross the door right now.’
I have never crossed the door upon the fear of change; however, if I can keep all my experiences into something like a journal or a picture, which are the records that hardly fade away…
Then even if the world, once again, changes and everything around me all vanishes away, which I’m always afraid of… or even if the world doesn’t change but everyone around me disappears through the wave of destiny, some parts of them can still breathe while staying beside me by none other than my records.
Thus, I decided to pursue my dream of recording or archiving my present. The day when my dream really comes true, I will no longer regard this place as a world inside a web novel.
I will leave the past behind me eventually and cross the door in search of what I really want.
With my own will…
* * *
We all have our own door.
What he didn’t get until now exists over there.
Those who have lived only emotionally learn reasonable thinking beyond that door, whereas those who have lived only rationally learn to give themselves to emotions. On the other hand, they take comfort from understanding themselves being not as bad as they have thought.
Some may also find warm enlightenment that they are no longer alone or get to know how to overcome past wounds and make new friends without fear.
And beyond Yi Ruda’s door, there is freedom.
Yi Ruda thought about the things beyond the tightly closed iron door.
Freedom.
That was what he achieved over the last few years by getting away from Yi Jenny’s control.
Yi Ruda raised his hand and grasped his hair. It wasn’t so painful to be locked up when he didn’t know what freedom was. He sighed while being surrounded by the impregnable surveillance and fortress-like walls.
Since Yi Ruda was here, Ian would have also returned. Maybe Yi Jenny might have not allowed even Ian full access to the building since it was easy to make an excuse in terms of security issues.
Yi Ruda then bit his lips. If even Ian didn’t have full access to this building, no one would make through this place, where Yi Ruda was right now. In other words, Yi Ruda would never go out of here anymore unless he had fulfilled Yi Jenny’s requirements; it was clear that what she demanded from him would definitely be the successor training, which Yi Ruda had been asked for years.