BXBX NOVEL Chapter 98: My biggest regret
I remember the garden, the colorful flowers that Monica tended to with so much care. I would always help her water the small sprouts she planted. We both sat in the shade of the big fig tree, she braiding my hair while telling stories of distant kingdoms, brave knights, and evil demons.
The gentle breeze touching my face, her laughter when I asked if there was ever a knight who had saved a princess like me.
"Of course, my little princess," she always said, her eyes shining with a sweet look that seemed to brighten even the cloudiest days I lived in that cold house. "You just need to wait for the right knight, a strong and fearless man who will make you sigh with passion even with the smallest smiles."
I could feel the warmth of her embrace, even now, in the depths of this darkness where I find myself. The smell of the garden flowers mixed with the damp earth and the faint perfume Monica wore, all so vivid as if it were yesterday.
There were also those rainy days when we stayed in her small room at the back of the house, hidden under old, warm blankets, reading her fairy tale books while the rain drummed on the roof.
She always let me choose the story, and I always picked the most fantastic ones, the ones with dragons and wizards, and happy endings with princesses getting married.
But it wasn\'t just laughter and sunny afternoons. I remember the times Monica hugged me tightly when I woke up from nightmares, trembling and crying, my eyes frightened, searching for some security. She whispered soft words, assuring me that nothing bad would happen while she was there. And I believed it because Monica was my shield against the darkness that seemed to haunt that house.
She was more than just a mere maid; she was my mother, much more than the one who claimed to be my progenitor, who barely spent time with me, as if I weren\'t even her daughter.
It wasn\'t just her; my father also pretended to smile at me. It took me a while to realize, but I was quite a bother to him. The day I realized this, I ran to the garden wearing a long dress, not luxurious, rather ragged. I was so alone, so sad that I ended up stumbling and falling... I got a nasty scrape on my knee after fleeing from home.
The pain was really intense, but I still remember Monica running after me, coming towards me with a sad look, her eyes almost crying.
"You\'ll be okay, little one. Don\'t do this anymore, don\'t run away from me," she said while applying a cold compress to my swollen knee. "I will always be here to take care of you, so if you need anything, I will be everything you need."
Those words stayed with me for a long time; they were like a hug to my lonely soul.
There were so many good and bad memories that sometimes my mind got lost between what was real and what was fiction, especially in the saddest moments when Monica wasn\'t around. The empty and cold corridors of the house, where the silence was disturbing and the feeling of loneliness crushed me. The sound of creaking doors, the whispers that seemed to come from the walls at night.
I felt so small and vulnerable...
I don\'t remember when it happened, when everything changed. Monica had fallen ill, her gentle and loving energy had completely disappeared, and my world shattered when she didn\'t wake up. I held her cold hand, feeling a sadness that seemed endless.
I don\'t know where I am... I don\'t know why all this is coming now, but I know that after being beaten in so many ways, I fell here... into my personal abyss...
I only feel my body floating in the pure abyssal darkness. Where am I? Who brought me here? What happened? I don\'t know... I only know that my heart aches, aches in so many ways...
I hope I can return... I think I need to thank my dear maid... For being the best mother I could have in this world...
Now, even in my comatose state, I feel like I\'m holding her hand again. I feel her affection, her protection, as if she\'s here with me, guiding me through this darkness.
My mind began to delve into the depths... I saw a large tree, its sturdy branches and dense leaves creating a tranquil refuge. Something drew me towards it, a sense of curiosity and restlessness, as if there was something there I needed to see.
As I approached, I began to hear a soft, almost imperceptible sound at first, but it soon became clearer. It was the sound of someone crying. My heart squeezed, a strange feeling coursed through my body, and I walked faster towards the tree.
And there he was. A young man, sitting at the base of the tree, his back hunched and his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. He seemed lost in his sorrow, completely oblivious to the world around him. His hair fell over his face, hiding his eyes, but I could sense the depth of his pain even without seeing them.
Of course... you... It\'s always you in the end, my thoughts always lead me to you at some point. I loved you for so long... I loved you from the time I knew you as a child, I loved you as we grew up together, I loved you so much that when that happened... I felt betrayed.
But what hurts the most is not having believed in you, not having gone after you while Monica stopped me from doing so, in time, the stories they told me fit, they left me even more sad with you... But you never did anything to me, it was only them who kept me away from you...
After the day I met you, my entire life was dedicated to smiling with you, you were my spark of happiness that pulled me through the bad days... and when I knew I would marry you, I was so happy...
Every day I would take a small petal from Monica\'s hidden garden and ask, "He loves me?" "He loves me not?" It was so satisfying when it landed on "He loves me"... I was a foolish girl, but... Why does it hurt so much? Why does it hurt so much to know that even after all that, I chose to believe others? Why... why did you still accept me back?
If you had refused, none of this could have happened and you would have been happy...
But no... even after all the pain I caused, you accepted me. And that, more than anything, destroys me. Because I know I\'m not worthy of that forgiveness, of that unconditional love you offer me. Knowing that I can still be a part of your life, even after everything, is a weight that seems to crush my heart.
I wish I could go back in time, change my choices, believe in you as I should have from the beginning. But I can\'t. I\'m trapped in this cycle of pain and guilt, and every memory I have of you is a knife twisting deeper into my chest.
"You\'re so silly." His voice came into my mind, after so long without hearing it I heard it again, loud and clear, like a direct speech. "If something ever happens to me one day, I will try my best to come back to you." His childlike voice, yes that same voice I saw when I ran through the Vorah family mansion
"You know, I feel like something could happen to me, I\'m from a very large family and it could be dangerous" He said while sitting on a wooden bench, swinging his legs back and forth. "If one day this happens to you, never forget. I will find you and save you just like a fairy tale prince!" Those words comforted me, it seemed that since I was little he already knew what would happen... "Beatrice!
I\'m going to be the strongest man in the world, and I\'m never going to let you get hurt! We\'re going to have a huge family and I\'m going to protect everyone!"
Those words struck my heart, they were simple and innocent, but they broke me in every possible way, as if my heart were hit by arrows of missile.
Tears began to fall on my face, sliding silently as I saw Little Strax\'s face running in front of me...
Why? Why, knowing how much he loved me, how much he believed in us, did I let fear and doubt push me away? Why, instead of holding onto that promise as my shield against the darkness, did I let it disintegrate under the weight of the lies they told me?
I feel so bad, but... Why do I love this man more and more? Why does he keep making me love him more!
"Because you\'re mine." I heard it as a deep whisper that entered my ears and made my whole body tremble...
"I said you\'re mine, so you, Beatrice Von Steinhardt, are only mine, forever."
Those words deeply entered my soul, as my crying continued to fall.
That was it... It didn\'t matter anymore... He had already decreed... even though I was being tortured, I still continued to be his, even though I was sorry he didn\'t care and continued to nurture his love...
**I felt my body crumbling, and then, my consciousness began to return... and I came face to face with that man, sleeping in the chair while he was all beat up, with his clothes full of blood, but peacefully...