BXBX NOVEL Chapter 84: Forget?
Her skin was flawless like jade and pale as snow. However, no matter how beautiful she was, I could not keep the disappointment from showing on my face.
"You seem displeased with what you see. Is my appearance not to your liking, Ami?" The beautiful woman asked bluntly.
"Hello Isolde, would you mind telling me why you keep calling me Ami? My name is John."
"Yes. Ami as in Amerikaner. Or someone from the USA. Your name is John Smith, so Ami."
"..."
"Why do you seem depressed, Ami? We won a big battle!"
How could I tell this woman that I was sad that I didn't get to see her goods? Isolde's {Fate} had turned her into a wyvern bigger than an elephant. If she could melt Draugrs or tear them apart, what could I do if she wanted to see me dead, how could I even stop her from doing it? This was all Joshua's fault for raising my expectations.
Now that I had a moment to think about it, Amari, who turned into a gorilla, and Mia, who turned into a werewolf, still had clothes on when they changed forms.
It could just be the big dicked bastard who flashes people. Gritting my teeth, I made a small vow to kick Joshua's ass in a duel. Then Isolde came over and gave me a warm hug.
"Eh?"
"Ami, thank you for coming. I would have died if it was not for you."
It was only when I was in her bosom that I smelled faint traces of iron coming from Isolde. Ashamed of my actions, I gently pulled away from her embrace and retrieved {heal} tablets and burgers from my inventory.
"I'm sorry I got distracted. Here, Isolde, eat these. They are low level, but they should help you.
"I have plenty of food too, so don't be shy."
"Thank you, Ami," replied the German Phantom. Like one born into high society, Isolde ate with grace and finesse. I didn't see the green light from the {heal} tablets, but I could smell the unique scent of medicine coming from her.
'Maybe the wounds are under her clothes?'
I shook my head at the perverse thought. I must be suffering from a desire to procreate after nearly dying. Then I smacked myself as I turned my mind to what needed to get done. We sat down on the floor, not caring about the dirt.
"Isolde, since the defender hasn't changed, you will sign my deployment order, correct?"
" Ja. You must be, I think, the ninth Death Seeker I have summoned in a thousand years."
"? Isolde, did I hear that you have been defending this zone for over a thousand years?"
"Not only this very location, but Ja. I am one of the oldest Phantoms still active."
Then I silently called {Reveal} and checked Isolde's status.
___
Name: Isolde Drache
Rank: Phantom
Soul Capacity : {Fate} 4/4 | {Kismet} 0/1
Souls available: 3,100,453 | To evolve: 150,000
{Fates}
1. {Sky Dragon} Lvl 6 | Cost: 2 | Owner: Self | Sub: {Dragon Breath}, {Dragon Tongue}, {Dragon Fury}, {Dragon Roar}, {Dragon Vow}
2. {Reunion} | Lvl 5 | Cost: 2 | Owner: Tristan |Sub: {Penitence} {Sacrifice}, {Martyr}, {Seraph}
{Kindred}: Tristan Kreuzfahrer
{Kismet}: N/A
Soulgear: {Backpack}, {Fountain}
___
"..."
Isolde has enough souls to evolve into a Specter if she wanted to. Three million souls was a number that not everyone could accumulate. Her {Fate} Sky Dragon had six {Fates} in her family, and her husband Tristan seemed to have stopped at level 5. Finally, she had what looked like noncombat type Soulgears.
"What is it, Ami? You've been staring for quite a while."
"Nothing much. I was just thinking about how powerful you are. After ten centuries, why didn't you bother to evolve into a Specter Isolde? Surely fighting small fry is boring to you? With your prowess any assault group with you in it would surely do well."
For some reason, Isolde stopped eating and looked solemnly at the sky. In the Hellsgate, there was not supposed to be a sky at all as we descended deeper and deeper into Hell, but for some reason, there was a dark ceiling on every floor.
There were no stars of any kind, but the silent firmament calmed most people. As if the heavens had drained all of Isolde's energy, her once dignified posture became fatigued and slumped.
Unsure what was going on, I tried to keep my mouth shut and observed our surroundings instead. The long, awkward silence suffocated me, Isolde had a bright personality and made stupid jokes, why was she so silent?
Then she turned to me as tears began to fall from the woman's eyes like gems, adding a layer of elegance to Isolde's otherwise heartbreaking sobs.
"I didn't want to forget."
"Forget? What do you mean, Isolde?"
"Ami, you do not know the difference between the ranks of the Reapers, do you?" the phantom replied softly as she wiped away her tears. It took a few moments for her to regain her composure. When she did, she turned to me with a serious expression on her face.
"They are separated in their duties and power?" I guessed.
The German Reaper shook her head and continued to explain. "Ami, those are the consequence of the difference in rank, they are not what makes each rank unique."
"Then I don't know."
"Ami. Every time a reaper evolves his {fate}, he trades a part of himself as a price."
"Price? You mean the soul cost?"
"No, Ami, souls are what you use as the material for the exchange. They are not the price a reaper must pay to evolve his {Fate}," the wyvern lectured.
"I am clueless, please share your wisdom, Isolde."
"You asked why I didn't become a Specter? Its memories, Ami. In order to evolve, the price I must pay is my memories."
"What?" I gasped in disbelief.
"Then let's start from the beginning. Humans must pay with their lives to join the Reapers, to become a Wraith, that is the price. A Wraith to become a Phantom must pay with his humanity."
Technically, a human had to die and have deep regret to become a Wraith, the lowest of the low. So what does "pay with your humanity" mean? I must have made a stupid expression as Isolde continued to explain without my asking.
"Hmm. Look at it this way, a Wraith has to stop being human to become a Phantom."
"I don't understand," I confessed annoyed.
"A person is defined by others. His friends, his family, his work and his form. That is, humans eat, sleep, rest, and exist in society. Wraiths are hardly different from humans in the beginning.
"It is just that you are dead now and have no reflections. But the correct way to think about it is that Wraiths are no longer human, they are merely beings that have borrowed the form of one. Understanding this is the first step to losing your humanity."
Though the explanation was different, Isolde's words were similar to my own. Didn't I sever my ties with human society when I became a Wraith? I noticed that I could operate for the past 24 hours without sleep or food.
The German Reaper was right. I only looked human, but I had abilities that were closer to the undead.
"If a reaper cannot unconsciously let go of his humanity. Thoughts like, 'This is not something a human can do,' or 'I am human, so I must do this.' If a Wraith is filled with such reservations, he will never evolve past Level 3 to become a Phantom," Isolde explained patiently.
I see. Those who value their human identity are the ones who would be limited by them. The girls and I were all far from normal, maybe that was why we had little trouble adapting? But what about what came next?
I had a rare opportunity to learn from an expert, hopefully Isolde could teach me how to evolve into a Specter so I could share it with Lilly. Putting on my best puppy dog face, I asked her for guidance.
"You are wise, Isolde, I understand now. If humanity is the payment for the Wraiths, what payment is required of a Phantom?"
"As I said Ami, its memories. Though no longer human, a Reaper will remain human in spirit as long as he remembers his life as one. To evolve into a Specter, a Reaper must shed even the memories that created him or her. To shed one's memories is to forget who one once was. That is how you become a Specter."
They often said that memories and experiences were what created a person's personality and morality. What would happen if they were lost?
Was that what prevented Lilly from evolving? Like amnesiacs who had different personalities when they forgot everything. A person's past shaped their present.
"Won't you become a completely different person?" I asked in trepidation.
"Ami doesn't seem convinced."
"That's because it doesn't make sense to me."
"Let me point you in the right direction. Ami, what are {Fates}?"
"They represent a reaper's greatest regret."
"Correct. Regrets are unfulfilled dreams or injustices suffered. Now think about it. How could a Reaper have great regrets if he cannot remember anything? What they cherished, what they hated, and most importantly, what drove them to return from the dead."
"..."
This made sense, but it was completely insane. How could someone exist with no history, personality, or identity? Trading humanity seemed fine, but who would you be if you could not remember who you were?
A greedy person was usually someone who grew up poor. A vain person would have a reason why they valued looks or fame. Kind people exist because they grew up loved.
A person's memories shaped who they were. Without a body and a personality created from your past, were you even the same person?
"It seems you are not ready to become a Specter Ami. That is fine, you have until you reach level 6 to decide.
"As for me, to answer your question about why I have stagnated at the Phantom level. It is like I said before, I do not want to forget."
Unable to muster any response, I just stared at Isolde and waited for her to continue.
"I had a lover once, one you could say was my world. His name was Tristan."
I knew, it was on her status page. Tristan Kreuzfahrer. His {Fate} was called {Reunion}. Judging by the small difference in levels. They must have fought side by side for a while.
"Tristan was everything to me. He was kind, gentle, and brave. The only man I ever adored and the man I died to be with. Our history was not kind, you see. Tristan died believing that I no longer loved him.
"When I saw his corpse, my very being was shattered to the point that I sought death. But who knew that our story would continue?"