BXBX NOVEL Chapter 231: I know better [2/2]
"You are free to seek your own happiness, but John can only marry one of you. So be sure that no matter what happens, you will not regret your own choices.
"John has always been a good boy. Loyal to a fault, know that if you win his favor, he will fight the world for you. But the reverse is also true."
Noelle interjected brusquely. "Also, know that if you make my dipshit cry, I will come and beat the crap out of you! He may not have come from my womb, but I love him as much as I love my own daughters. I will not allow his heart to be broken a second time! Are we clear?"
It was a little embarrassing to hear such honest statements from Earl and Noelle, but I found myself smiling with joy. I could no longer count the number of times I wished to be a part of the Simmons instead of the Smiths.
The Sirens' all agreed with my mother's question, but Noelle wasn't satisfied. She got off Earl's lap and held her newspaper roll like a swagger stick.
"I can't hear you! If you want to be my daughter-in-law, you will call me Ma! Do you understand?!"
Swagger sticks can be traced back to the Roman Imperial Army. Centurions of that time carried vine sticks as a badge of office. Swagger sticks were always too short to be used as a cane, so they had no real purpose outside of symbolism.
In today's modern world, most training officers in the European or American armies carried something similar. Influenced by Noelle's intensity, the Sirens all stood up and began to shout their answers like soldiers.
"YES MA! WE UNDERSTAND MA!" x7
'Oh shit, Noelle's boot camp switch was turned on.'
When Ma got fired up, she started screaming like a drill instructor from hell. Alana, Bless and I usually yelled each other's ears off just to keep Noelle happy.
"All right, good energy. But how ready are you little girls to be wives? My dipshit is a hard working boy. He should come home to a loving wife, not the boss's bitch trash, whatever that tick-tock keeps shitting about."
The Sirens, unsure of how to respond, remained silent and continued to await instructions from my African-American mother.
"I mean, they basically got what they wanted, right? They kept telling the world they didn't need men, and when men left, it was somehow the men's fault! Listen girls. A woman doesn't have to be perfect, she just has to be good at three things."
I had a face-palm when Noelle started her sermons on women's empowerment. Anyone who saw my mother would basically think she wasn't a traditional wife. But they were wrong.
Noelle Simmons believed in old-fashioned marriage. But she never condoned divorce or cheating. She was a proponent of working out your problems. Either with words or with fists.
My ma was the go-to person in our community for anyone suffering from domestic abuse. One thing I never understood was how she never ended up in jail for all the bastards she sent to the hospital.
When I looked at the faces of the Sirens, it was like they were in a trance. Like they were watching their favorite movie star walk the earth.
"If a woman wants to keep her man for life, she only needs three skills. One is cooking. If you fail to feed your husband, someone else will feed him for you. The second is to clean the house. Your house is your love nest. It is a reflection of you. A man will not feel relaxed in a dirty house, period.
"Finally, the stamina to fuck! No matter how full a man's stomach is or how clean your house is, if his is always pent up. He will eventually blow his load on a side chick or a mistress, no matter how loyal he is, guaranteed. If you fail to keep yourself in shape, he will fuck someone else.
"Women are free to do whatever the hell you want. However, if you fail at these three things, it is a given that your man will eventually leave you. This is why women who focus solely on children get cheated on, while mistresses rarely get married.
"In conclusion, a wife is not expected to be perfect. But her most important duties revolve around keeping her husband's stomach full, her house clean, and her man's balls empty. capiche?"
Earl then stood up and suddenly scooped Noelle up by her thighs in a princess carry. Ma lost her fierce demeanor and blushed scarlet like a quiet kitten as she was literally swept off her feet.
"Kya! Appleboo, not now, please. I am..."
The father of the Simmons family smiled blissfully as he kissed his wife on the cheek. Ma promptly covered her face and fell silent. It was amazing to see how Earl could make a fierce woman like Noelle docile in less than a second.
"Now, ladies. Thank you for indulging my lovely wife. I know she is quite feisty, but please know she means well. El has been worried about John ever since he broke up with his ex. So this is just her protective instincts kicking in.
"I know you girls have a lot to talk about with my son. While I may not be the smartest person in my household, I do know that things are more complicated than they seem. I am going to take El and my daughters to lunch. Use this time as you see fit."
Calm, authoritative, and straight to the point. This was how Earl usually carried himself. A manner that I had tried to emulate on more than one occasion.
The Sirens all bowed to my father and responded in unison.
"Thank you for your kind words father-in-law, please take care."