Re:life with Karmic Gacha (Modern Family)

Chapter 59: Chapter 59: The Incident (Part 1)

"This time... I will finally win...for my family..." Phil muttered as he put his entire focus on the Mario Kart game played on his flat-screen, 42 inch TV. The game screen was split into two, one was the driver playing Mario, the other one playing Luigi.

Mario was in first place while Luigi was in third.

"GO dad!" Luke Cheered.

"Kick his ass Dad!" Alex muttered with some hostility in her tone as she was beaten up in the game before. Both of the children were standing behind the sofa to support their father as he was the only one that had the skill to make it an even race – or so they wrongly assumed.

I chuckled a bit as I passed Princess Peach in front of me, earning Luigi second place in the ranking, and my car was directly behind Phil now.

After school was over, I went to the Dunphy\'s house as Phil had invited me to come and play some Mario Kart with him today. I had beaten up Luke three times, Alex twice, and Phil 4 times. If he lost again, it would be his fifth defeat.

"Come on. Come on!" Phil muttered while turning his WII steering to the left while moving his entire body as if he was inside an actual car to drift and kept his Mario\'s character ranking.

"You need to do better than that." I said mischievously while picking up a power up from the track. "Phil, do you know what is more powerful than family?"

"Don\'t distract him! Dad GO GO GO!" Luke interjected to try and stop me, but Phil was baited from my question.

"What?" He asked while the finishing line was in front of us.

" A Mario Kart Blue Shell." I said while throwing the weapon at him.

Luigi: Omae wa mo...shindeiru.

Mario: NANI?!

Phil screamed in a slow motion voice, "NOOOOO...."

Luigi stared at Mario while smirking as he threw the blue shell weapon toward his brother\'s cart, a few meters before he crossed the finishing line.

Mario\'s cart was stunned, and it went out of the race. Luigi\'s cart took the chance to cross the finish line easily, earning him the first place in the ranking.

"YES!" I exclaimed while making a tiny fish pump with my left hand as I won the race. Phil let go of his controller in disappointment while turning toward his children.

"Sorry. He\'s just too good."

"Ugh. Me next. I\'ll be sure to beat him!" Luke said while pushing Phil out of his way to take his place.

"I want to take a rest. It\'s hard being too awesome. I can\'t even drink anything as the losers couldn\'t accept the reality that they were bested by me." I said while pretending to massage my sore neck.

Alex giggled and said, "What do you want to drink?"

"A glass of cold water would be nice." I replied to her politely as I turned to look at her face. She nodded and took 2 steps toward the kitchen before I said, "Oh Alex. Make sure you knock before opening the fridge."

She scrunched her face in confusion before she turned back slightly and asked, "Why?"

"In case there\'s a... salad dressing."

Phil and Luke looked at each other before they burst into laughter while Alex rolled her eyes at me. "Seriously?! Don\'t hang out with my dad anymore. His lameness is infecting you."

"It was his joke." Phil defended himself while laughing uncontrollably with Luke.

While we were having fun, Phil had already forgotten that he promised my dad to ask me about what I was currently feeling and we had been playing games for hours now. It was shaping up to be a pretty good day for the Dunphy\'s and myself.

[3rd Person POV]

-Jay\'s house-

Dressing in her yoga outfit as she just got home from her yoga session, Gloria leaned on the wall while talking to Jay who was eating a green apple. He was eating a donut before but he changed what he held in his hand the moment he heard Gloria walk through the front door.

"Manny will be back in a few hours. The Reubans are taking him to dinner." Gloria said as she was supposed to pick up Manny after her yoga session, but Manny had called her to ask her to pick him up a little later.

"That\'s good isn\'t it?" Jay replied.

"Yeah. He finally has a good friend in his own age. The children are planning to have a slumber party this Saturday." Gloria said, while she was excited that Manny had his own friends now, she was also feeling lonely when her son was not around to spend time with her.

"That\'s alright. You know, with Manny not around, we can finally go to that spa I keep telling you about." Jay said as he instinctively knew Gloria was feeling a bit down.

"Ay! I\'m gonna take a shower. Do you care to join me?" Gloria said seductively after getting excited at the prospect of getting pampered.

"You know honey there\'s a gun in the footlocker in the garage. If I ever say \'NO\' to that question, I want you to use it on me." Jay said in a solemn tone before he laughed together with Gloria and followed her from behind.

-Mitch and Cam\'s house-

"Oh my god." Cam exclaimed in pleasure as he took a bite of the pastry Mitchell had made while they were in the kitchen.

"What do you think?" Mitchell asked in expectation while studying Cam\'s reaction.

"Now, that is a scone." Cam said while taking another bite.

"No butter, non-fat." Mitchell explained.

"Shut up." Cam exclaimed in surprise.

"Yeah. I wanted to make it for you last week, but we had the concert."

"Yeah. That was great." Cam said while reminiscing about the concert. Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"I\'m gonna go check on Lily." Cam said while dusting off the crumbs on his hand.

Mitchell walked to the front door while Cam was moving to Lily\'s nursery.

"Surprise!" An old, hippy looking grandma with blonde hair and a giant necklace made from seashell, announced her arrival.

-Jay\'s house-

While Jay and Gloria were running up the stairs, suddenly a bird flew into the glass window, broke its neck, and died, leaving a bird shaped stain on the window.

"Huh. That\'s ominous." Jay muttered.

"Ay. A bad sign!" Gloria said while making a cross shape with her hand.

-Dunphy\'s house-

"YOU EMBARRASSED ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS!" Haley shouted in annoyance and anger as she barged through the front door, walking briskly while Claire followed her closely from behind even when she was clutching a grocery bag.

"No. NO. YOU embarrassed YOURSELF in front of your friends. So you\'re skipping school now?"

"I\'m not skipping school." Haley tried to explain herself, but was cut off by Claire.

"Your teacher called me to say you skipped school today?! Huh, is that an unfair accusation too?!" Claire exploded as she placed the grocery bag on the kitchen counter. She snatched the cold water from Alex\'s hand and said, "Thank you Alex."

Alex and the rest of the people there were stunned before Claire argued with Haley again.

"You\'re taking your final exam in a week. Do you even PLAN TO study?!" Claire said accusingly, causing Luke and Edward to pause their match and turned toward the bickering duo.

-Mitchell\'s house-

"Mom!" Mitchell widened his eyes in shock as he saw the woman. He said hurriedly, "W-W-What are you doing here? I didn\'t know you were in town. You didn\'t call."

"Well, I couldn\'t wait to see your new baby." Dede said as she barged into the house, trying to look for the baby. "And I...tried to call you last weekend, but for some reason I couldn\'t reach any of you."

"Oh..." Mitchell exclaimed while finally understanding why he received a phone call from his mom while he was at the concert before. At that time, he saw the phone ringing but he decided to ignore it and enjoy the concert so he could keep his sanity intact.

"Mitchell, who was that?" Cam asked from the hallway after checking up on Lily.

"Uh, it\'s my mom." Mitchell said hesitatingly.

Cam scoffed and said, "Oh, yeah, right. \'cause the last time she was here, The refrigerator magnets rearranged themselves Into a penta-- Grandma! Hey."

Dede smiled wryly at Cam while he had the same smile on his face. The situation in the house turned awkward and silent, waiting to be broken by the unlucky person who would speak next.

...

-Dunphy\'s house-

As Claire had snatched my drink, I stood up and walked to the line of fire– to the kitchen to pour a glass of cold water for myself as Alex had retreated far away.

"Hi Claire." I greeted casually while Claire was arguing with Haley. Claire and Haley stopped raising their voices at each other and turned their heads to look at me while I walked past them and reached for a glass of water.

"What\'s going on? Is Haley skipping class?" I interjected myself into the conversation while speaking calmly.

"It\'s none of your business Ed!" Haley shouted as she thought I was going to take her mom\'s side.

"Did you go to watch the new boutique launch? They are only displaying their full collection for today right? You would NEVER get a chance to see all their designs together again after this."

Even though it seemed like I was asking her a few questions, I was actually helping Haley to explain herself as Claire kept cutting her off.

"That doesn\'t mean she could skip school-"

"It\'s only PE. She attended every other period, and only skipped the PE class." I corrected Claire before I added, "I don\'t think PE is important enough to affect her academic records right?"

Alex mumbled to herself, "That\'s true. PE is useless."

Haley noticed that I was helping her,so she took the chance to make things clear with her mom, "Mrs Haram is an old bitter coot. A lot of people skipher class-"

"You shouldn\'t be one of those people. We taught you better than that Haley." Claire said before turning towards me, "Ed. Why are you defending her?"

"I\'m not. I just think that you could hear her out first before coming to a conclusion. Do you just want to yell at her, or do you want to actually hear her reasons to do that and make the effort to understand her daughter\'s life...even if it\'s just a little bit."

After saying my piece, I left the two people without getting involved any further while holding a glass of cold water in my hand. Claire finally calmed down as she realized she had been freaking out while Haley\'s eyes continued following my back until I returned to the sofa.

"Ah. Mario Kart. Phil, did you have the talk with him yet?" Claire spoke to her husband after she searched her memory about why I was there instead of at my house.

"Talk? What talk?" Phil asked in confusion. Claire hunched down in defeat before straightening her spine back up and said, "Remember your talk with Ted?"

"Ah. That. Right..." Phil muttered while his face turned hesitant as he wanted to keep playing the game with me.

"What talk?" I asked as I obviously could hear everything they were saying. "Bird and the Bees?"

"Ew." Alex exclaimed in disgust.

"You guys talk about Bees?" Luke asked innocently.

"It\'s not that kind of Bees Lukey." Phil muttered in embarrassment. "You\'re still too young to hear that kind of talk."

"So Haley. I will listen to what you want to say. So, explain it to me." Claire turned her attention back to her problematic daughter while putting her right hand on her hip and her left hand holding the kitchen counter.

Alex was baffled when she saw her mother\'s change in temperament. "How exactly did you do that?" She asked whisperingly while taking a seat next to me on the sofa.

Shrugging my shoulders, I said, "I didn\'t do anything. She became self-conscious as she noticed my presence here. Therefore, she tried to hide the part of herself that may seem unsightly to me."

"Why?" Alex asked in confusion after she realized the truth in my words by checking out her out-of-character mother.

I turned toward her and said with a sly smirk, "Because...I\'m her boss. No one would ever want to act out in front of their boss. Unless they are an absolutely abnormal person."

...

-Mitch and Cam\'s house-

[3rd Person POV]

The 1 year old baby Lily was looking at the abnormal person playing with her legs in confusion. The old lady tried her hardest to make the baby laugh by babbling incoherent words to the baby.

"Mom, what are you doing to her legs?" Mitchell asked while holding a teddy bear for Lily.

"Tai chi. I did it every day in Sedona." Dede replied snobbishly before turning to her son\'s partner. "Cameron, you should try it."

Cam\'s face froze as he was caught unprepared by the attack.

[Mitch and Cam\'s commentary.]

"Mitchell\'s mother has a problem...With me." Cam said while gesturing at his large-size body. Mitchell scratched his head as he couldn\'t find any words to defend his mother.

Cam continued, "Last christmas, for example, She gave me a piece of exercise equipment And a lettuce dryer."

"So, to recap, I gave her a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings, And she gave me... a hint."

Mitchell opened his mouth to say something, but again, words eluded him.

[Commentary ends]

After Lily had fallen asleep, the trio moved their conversation to the living room so as to not disturb the baby. Dede had dominated the conversation alone for 15 minutes as she shared the details of her life – living far away from the rest of her family members.

"And living in Sedona has been transformational. I get up every morning, and I go to a vortex meditation site And work with a shaman to finally understand... How to live my spirituality." She said.

"Yikes." Mitchell exclaimed while half-rolling his eyes.

"And I\'ve learned that the only way I can move to the next level of my awakening Is if we all can somehow get past... The incident." Dede said hesitatingly.

"Oh, no." Cam muttered.

"Oh, boy." Mitchell exclaimed in frustration.

-The incident flashback-

The incident started with a simple wedding of Jay and Gloria. Jay in a dark and dashing suit while Gloria wore a beautiful white dress with a low-cut neckline that accentuated her figure. It was a happy day, the weather was lovely, the guests were plenty, and the general atmosphere inside the lavish wedding banquet hall was harmonious.

The wedding photographer was interviewing Dede for her to give her wishes to the bride and groom.

"I would like to congratulate Jay and the lovely Gloria. I\'m very happy for them." Dede said with a fake smile on her face.

[Jay and Gloria\'s commentary.]

"I wanted a big, beautiful wedding with Jay Because my ex-husband and I got married In a tiny, little office of a judge in Colombia."

Jay held Gloria\'s knees to show her his affection. But then, both of them lost their smiles.

[Cam and Mitchell\'s commentary.]

"Well, my mother wanted to go to the wedding To show everyone how okay she was with all of it, So I convinced dad and Gloria to invite her." Mitchell explained with a hint of frustration in his voice.

"Who warned you that that was the worst idea ever? Anyone?" Cam said with a smile while slyly raising his right hand up. "Anyone?" He asked again. " Oh." He giggled as he saw he had raised his arm up.

[Commentary ends]

Back to the video interview.

Dede chuckled awkwardly before speaking insincerely, "Of course, I\'ve -- I\'ve moved on.."

"I was supposed to come with a date, But he just hurt his back, Which is very ironic because he\'s young a-a-and -- and healthy."

[Phil and Claire\'s commentary.]

"My mom started drinking these cocktails Called "horny colombians" with some of Gloria\'s uncles Whom, apparently, the drink was named after." Claire said in dissatisfaction while crossing her arms.

Phil laughed and said, "Oh, come on, they were funny."

"They kept patting my butt." Claire said seriously while looking at Phil in disbelief.

Phil laughed and said, "Somebody\'s full of herself...:" He turned to the camera screen and explained on behalf of Gloria\'s uncles, "It\'s a -- it\'s a Colombian wedding tradition, they said."

[commentary ends]

While the guests were giving their toast to the bride and groom, the drunk Dede suddenly stood up and clinked her glasses using a spoon to give her own version of the toast– even though she wasn\'t set to give a speech today, nor did she ask for permission from anyone to do so.

"I would like to make a toast." Dede said.

[Haley\'s commentary]

"Yeah, Nana got totally wasted." She said while remembering the incident. While giggling, she said, "Uh, it was really funny.." Her smile disappeared after recalling the entire memory.

"Then it was gross."

[commentary ends]

"To the bride and the groom, my ex." Dede started her toast. "35 years of marriage... And he couldn\'t wait 10 minutes to run off with charo( slur for funny-looking things/slutty things)." Dede made an inappropriate joke, causing the crowd to gasp and Gloria to get mad.

The bride then threw her napkin on the plate as she tried to control herself on her special day.

"I\'m kidding." Dede said. The band drummer tried to save the atmosphere by doing a rim shot, causing a few laughter here and there.

But instead of stopping when she saw people were dissatisfied with her, the drunk Dede became excited instead as a few people were laughing at her joke.

"Seriously, I knew they were perfect for each other When I saw his wallet and her boobs." Dede covered up her insult as a joke again, making the crowd laugh.

Dede suddenly freaked out and tried to fight as she thought there were people around her trying to stop her toast. "Take your hands off me." She said while punching the empty air as she was too drunk to discern what was real and what was not right now.

Mitchell decided to interject and run to his mom to snap her out of her disruption, "Mom. Mom!"

"Oh, relax, Mitchell. What, did you take your Claire pill?" Dede muttered, causing Claire who sat at the next table to be offended. Luckily, Phil was there to calm her down.

Mitchell said, " Okay, l-let\'s just -- let\'s get a little fresh air, okay? Come on."

[Mitch and Cam\'s commentary]

After remembering the better part of the incident, Cam muttered, "And then... it got weird."

[Commentary ends]

Mitchell and Cam were each holding one of Dede\'s arms while Phil held her legs to escort her out of the wedding venue.

Dede shouted to mock Gloria using a hispanic accent, "I\'m Gloria. I\'m Gloria. Keeess (Kiss)me. Oh, hey, kessss me..." She imitated a few disgusting kissing sounds, making the guest gasp and started to murmur among themselves as they saw her antics.

[Luke\'s commentary]

"Nana is really strong."

[commentary ends]

Dede squirmed madly while the trio tried to hold her. She managed to free her left leg and kicked the wedding cake on her way out, splattering it on the floor.

"Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi! Ooh! Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!" Dede mocked as she held out in front of the door despite Phil, Cam, and Mitchell\'s best effort to get her out.

[Gloria\'s commentary.]

"During my vows to my first husband, Drug dealers burst in and assassinated the judge...This was way worse." Gloria said in a solemn tone.

Jay laughed and said, "What can I say? I drive women crazy."

However, he saw that Gloria was unamused by his joke as a wedding was the most important thing for a bride. He quickly lost his smile and said, "It\'s too soon, I guess."

[commentary ends]

Back to the present day, Mitchell said, "Well, mom, instead of scratching it down a wall, Maybe we should just try and repress it Like a -- like a normal family."

Dede shook her head and said, "I can\'t. I need closure. I\'m about to embark on a new journey. I met a man."

Mitchell smiled and said, "Really?"

Dede explained with a happy smile, "His name is Chas, And he\'s asked me to come live with him In his foreign land."

"Wow." Cam exclaimed.

A little bit concerned, Mitchell asked, "Where?"

"Canada." Dede replied.

"You\'re moving to -- to Canada?"

"French Canada."

"Oh, that -- that\'s wonderful." Mitchell exclaimed.

"It is wonderful." Dede said before her expression turned conflicted once more, "It\'s just that when I think of all the awful things That I said to Gloria and Jay And you and Claire, I feel such guilt."

"Give it time... And see Banff." Cam interjected. (Banff: Canada\'s tourist spot)

Mitchell said to him, "Cam, please."

Dede confessed, "I just can\'t give myself to him sexually." causing both Mitchell and Cam to be uncomfortable.

"Okay, mom." Mitchell said while gesturing for her to stop.

"Did not see that coming." Cam mumbled.

"Oh, don\'t get me wrong..We...satisfy each other down there." Dede said, causing Mitchell to groan in disgust.

Oh Yeah, don\'t want to hear it-" Mitchell said.

"That\'s why I need everyone\'s forgiveness. I need your help, Mitchell."

Cameron interjected, " Did you hear that, Mitchell? Your mom needs your help to make love to her new man, Chas." With a deadpan grimace, he said, "That\'s not weird at all."

Mitchell said in frustration, "I\'m just not really sure what you\'re asking me to do here, mom."

Dede explained as if it was the simplest method in the world. "Well, everyone\'s mad at me.Maybe you could pave the way so that I can... apologize..."

Mitchell turned to Cam who was shaking his head slightly as he knew what Mitchell was thinking about.

"Don\'t do it." Cam said with gritted teeth.

Mitchell couldn\'t help it and said to his mother, "Well. The family is coming to Claire\'s tonight for dinner. Maybe I can talk to them about having you with us."

Dede stood up from her seat and went to hug her son, "Oh! I knew I could count on you.Oh, my beautiful boy.I love you so much.."

[Mitch and Cam\'s commentary.]

Cam said, "There\'s a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell\'s relationship With his mother and say, \'That\'s messed up.\'"