BXBX NOVEL Chapter 119
Chapter 119
Chapter 119
“It’s bad timing. Let’s just refuse her request and tell her to go home······.” (Elenia)
“No!” (Ruby)
I hastily interrupted Elenia’s words as she slowly opened her mouth.
Her red eyes widened.
“Ruby, you don’t have to force yourself to meet her. I will separately·····.” (Elenia)
“I’m not forcing myself. There’s something else I want to talk to her about.” (Ruby)
“I don’t think it’s a good idea. Besides, you have to leave soon.” (Elenia)
“We don’t know when I’ll have to leave yet, isn’t there a bit of time to spare for some tea? (Ruby)
“But Ruby·····.” (Elenia)
“It’s okay, Ellen. Really. After all, she’s Ellen’s old friend.” (Ruby)
Whether it’s for me or something else, Elenia had already sent out her nanny, who looked after her from an early age, and she shouldn’t have to be involved in these matters anymore.
Moreover, I was wondering why Freya wanted to see me.
“...Are you sure you’re okay?” (Elenia)
“Of course, did you forget what kind of person I am?” (Ruby)
***
On a snowy, winter afternoon, I unexpectedly sat down for tea at a table situated in the garden of the greenhouse, surrounded by a sumptuous spring landscape.
I was also facing Freya.
My last memory of Freya was of her appearance in the mirror room of Angvan Palace.
She was frozen and solely staring at me while everyone else was distracted by the roar of the dragon.
Indeed, Freya, who I haven’t seen in a long time, was as neat and elegant as ever.
She seemed to be at ease, yet a little less relaxed, but overall, nothing seemed to have changed much.
However, after asking to see me, she seemed unwilling to open her mouth.
Freya wasn’t the only one, we also showed no signs of initiating a dialogue.
The air in the greenhouse was warm, but it felt like a cold wind was blowing through.
It wasn’t because of me though, it was probably because of Elenia, who was sitting upright and staring at her childhood friend with a cold expression on her face.
I don’t know what happened between the two.
However, considering Elenia’s attitude, I can only guess that a decisive moment must have taken place.
Freya was evidently neither talking to nor looking at Elenia.
She just sat with rigid shoulders and her head bowed, looking at the teacup.
The situation was like this, but it shouldn’t be like this.
“Ellen, would it be okay if you left us alone for a while?”
In fact, Elenia was scheduled to leave soon anyway, but I asked cautiously because she was anxious.
Freya’s hand, holding the glass, twitched slightly.
“······· Call me if anything happens.”
Elenia, who had directed her words toward me, turned her gaze to Freya and stood up coyly.
Consequently, it was finally just the two of us in question that remained.
The clear, winter sun shone through the glass ceiling and illuminated the table.
Instead of conversing with the silent visitor, I sipped tea and savored the vibrant refreshments from the serving tray.
There were fresh lemon tarts, crisp cookies, colorful cupcakes, and, of course, chocolate pudding.
The huge white cake that I ate this morning was present as well.
I could feel Freya, who was still giving off a scornful air, eventually lifting her eyes slowly and looking at me.
Regardless of whether she was or was not looking at me, I still went about like normal and dipped the almond cookie into the creamy pudding, pushed it into my mouth, and sipped the plain, black tea.
“...Madam.”
“What is it, Lady?”
“... First of all, I’m glad you’re well.”
“Thank you. The tea has a pleasant smell, so do and go try it.”
Silence resumed once more.
For whatever reason, Freya came to see me yet she was in no hurry to bring up the topic of discussion and instead, just stared at me as I ate.
Are you going to pick a fight again?
She looked a bit tired though.....
“I’m not going to apologize to Madam.”
······just as expected. At her convenience, she continued to spit out utter garbage.
It’s pretty much the same as before.
“So please don’t expect an apology.”
“········.”
“Anyway, I just did what I thought was best according to my own beliefs. I still feel the same way now.”
“Even if mistakes were made, my actions are based on a set of values accumulated through various experiences from the time I was born. And after having lived with these values in mind ······. I just can’t understand Madam at all.”
I stood up with a cookie still in my mouth.
“·······.”
As the scene unfolded, I strode across a diverse array of colorful flowers and bushes and headed towards the door.
Then, after beckoning the escorts standing outside the entrance to retreat, they closed and locked the door.
When I came back to the table, Freyja was frozen with a bewildered expression, assuming that I must have just left.
I sat back in my seat and folded my arms while chewing whatever was left of the cookie.
“Go on.”
The sound of the vigorous stream of water circulating in the fountain could be heard.
Freya stared at me as her face paled and continued to talk.
“If people don’t try to help themselves, no one else will.”
That’s a wonderful thing to say. Which book is this from?
“I don’t know why a woman like Madam has been neglecting herself like that for so long, but it seems like an addiction. Because they said that misery and self-pity are addictive.”
So that’s what this was about······.
“Of course, I feel sympathy and pity, but nonetheless, I can’t help that my need to lament comes first. Why······ why the hell did you live your life that way?”
“······.”
“You can overcome any difficulty with strong will and good words alone. If you can put your mind to it and take action, heaven will surely be on your side. You could have asked for anyone’s help at any time in your current position, but why didn’t you do anything until things got so bad? Why did you not think about taking a more active approach on life and let not only yourself, but also everyone else to be so miserable······?“
Misery, self-compassion, alienation, solitude, rejection, death, pain, violence, fear, coercion and shame .......
A sheltered woman who had never personally experienced any of this was now arguing with me.
The issue wasn’t about whether she knew or didn’t know anything about my life.
She was just more or less curious about the moment she witnessed at that time and wanted to argue with how I lived.
Why did you ignore the values of nobility by living so pathetically and passively, making others needlessly worry? (T/N: This is still internal monologue, from the POV of what Ruby is thinking Freya is asking of her)
Strangely enough, I felt amused rather than angry.
It may just be a natural course of action for a person to react like her, when they were born and raised in an entirely different environment and never experienced what the other person went through.
A verbal attack by someone who has never been or will never be abandoned.
Nevertheless, there were also people who said it was not my fault when they looked at me, despite never having experienced my struggles, instead of blaming me or saying empty words of compassion.
“Are you listening? Fu....”
Something was burning inside me.
It had already happened here once the other day.
The elegantly combed platinum hair, the smooth white face, the front of the luxurious dress, and the fine accessories were soaked in tea water.
Only, it was a different person this time around who had poured the teacup.
I could guarantee that Freya’s current expression was the same exact one I had last time when I was in her position.
The look of someone cracking and completely losing their composure.
It was astounding to see her face tinted in blue because of the color of the tea.
“What are you doing right now...”
“Why? Wasn’t it your hobby to douse yourself with tea? I’m proud of my ability to be straightforward because I don’t think it’s a healthy and dignified way to live by childishly blaming others when things do not go my way, just like you have done so far.”
“You, do you think you’ll still be safe after you do this? I····.”
I picked up a handful of assorted sweets and shoved them into her mouth, which had been extremely energetic in blathering on continuously.
Suffer a diabetic shock, you rude ass b*tch.
“Wow! Whoa, whoa! What kind of vulgar behavior is this?”
”It’s because I feel sorry for your shallow existence. Why? Like you said, let’s say I have lived a pathetic life, but what does that make you, someone who finds it difficult to win against me in any case? You couldn’t face me properly and ended up resorting to petty, underhanded schemes. What the hell does that make you?”
“Hey, I’m·····.”
”Will the heavens help you if you act like that? Do you think it’s okay to do childish things just because the heavens tell you to? Say you envy me if you envy me that much. You must have had a hard time pretending to be noble while burning to death with resentment. Do you know that you’re so unsightly and pathetic? I feel bad for you for going crazy over a pathetic person such as myself!”
The purple eyes had been shaking as if an earthquake had occurred and then burst into flames.
I didn’t know I would see such a brutal and poisonous expression on Freya’s face, so I have to live and enjoy it for a long time.
”If you hadn’t appeared, my position wouldn’t have been taken away from me! How the hell is someone like you ruining my world? A dirty Borgian woman who’s not even the Pope’s biological child, but a tattered prostitute’s daughter who’s been sold off here and there.”
puck. (퍽. ) (sfx)
My hands gripped her head and plunged it into the pure white cake.
Her beautiful face was instantly covered with cream, then she stretched out her floundering arms and grabbed my hair.
Tears welled up from the pain of having my hair pulled by the roots.
See what this woman is doing?
“The North would have remained the same if it wasn’t for you! Why did everything change so much after you appeared...!”
“Go be a martyr for your burning loyalty to the North, you wicked woman!”
“It’s all because of you...! Why do I have to feel so inferior because of someone like you...!”
“Your feelings are not my problem.”
“Why should I be deprived of the things I deserve because of a woman of unclear bloodline, a woman who is not worth comparing to, merely a foolish doll who only knows how to smile and dance?”
”That’s just life, you b*tch! Be mindful of the person you’re picking a fight with!”